1,753

Upon telling a co-worker I'm preggers and having a boy, he says this: "Awesome! With girls, you have to worry about all the penises in the world, but with boys, you only have to worry about one!"  Er...yeah.  Ahem.

1,752

"Tea Party Convention."  Urrrrrgle.

1,751

No, family member, no matter how many times you ask, I will not be doing a "belly cast."

1,750

The flood of "you shoulds" for parenting our child has begun.

1,749

A loved one getting plastic surgery and looking like they are now The Joker mixed with Lion-Faced Lady.  Sooooo sad.

1,748

I love my apartment. I don't want to go. Can't stay alone. Won't do a craigslist stranger. 5 years - best relationship I've ever been in - coming to an end. The pain. The pain.

1,747

Get a call on my cell from my roommate while I'm in California for a week on vacation. Goes a little something like this...

me: hey what's going on?
rm: have a minute to talk?
me: well i'm driving back from tahoe in a car full of people.
rm: i wanted to talk to you about this in person... i'm moving out.
me: oh.
rm: early.
me: oh.
rm: and i know i'm not on the lease but i figured i'd stay through it if you want me to.
me (internally): NO SHIT YOU'LL STAY IF I WANT YOU TO. WHAT KIND OF FRIEND WOULDN'T? YOU WERE MY FRIEND FIRST - THAT'S PRETTY MUCH STANDARD PRACTICE. AND WHAT PART OF "CAR FULL OF PEOPLE" MADE YOU THINK THIS WAS A GOOD TIME? AND GIVEN THAT OUR LEASE ISN'T UP FOR, OH, FIVE MONTHS, COULD THIS REALLY NOT HAVE FUCKING WAITED TIL I GOT FUCKING HOME IN FOUR FUCKING DAYS?
me (aloud): let's talk about this when I get home.

1,746

New kitchen: the refrigerator reeks like rotting flesh, the oven smells like burning chemicals, and the dishwasher just flooded the kitchen floor.  I can't cook or make or buy or prepare or retrieve food.

1,745

Being back at work.  Bah!

1,744

My dad STILL uses AOL and its software and thinks that is the internet.

1,743

When telling a family member on my side we are having a boy, their response: "There are too many boys already!  We need girls!" 

THANKS, LIKE I DID THIS ON PURPOSE.

1,742

When calling to tell my mother-in-law that we are having a boy, her response (in a flat, disappointed tone) : "Oh."  (very long silence)  "I always pictured you having a girl." And then almost no more discussion on it.

THANKS, LADY.  THANKS A FUCKING LOT.

1,741

Having someone tell me for an hour over lunch to "make sure to not get fat" with my pregnancy.

1,740

People who use "God does not give you more than you can handle" on ladies on baby message boards who have found out their babies have tested positive for genetic diseases.

1,739

Adverts for psychic predictions and tarot readings. Really? It's nearly 2010 and people still think their future can be read from a deck of cards? That's about two inches from reading a pig's entrails on the evolutionary scale. That's all we've come in 2000 years?

1,738

PAL vs NTSC. Wtf.

1,737

Wishing there was some way to gracefully opt-out of Christmas gift giving in a year where all financial resources are desperately needed elsewhere, but knowing that you're still going to have to suck it up and get random crap for people.

1,736

Not knowing what to get my nieces and nephews for Christmas anymore because they don't care about books and apparently don't know how to read anyway and they have more toys than any kid would know what to do with.

1,735

Finding out through other people that my niece and nephew are way behind in their stupid Christian school and knowing that there's nothing I can do about it.

1,734

Being unable to talk about a medical test I got just in case it upsets someone morally.