1,193

"Pet Peeves."

1,192

People who have absolutely no idea how to tell a story. Hint: if its gone on for more than 2 minutes and you are not even close to arriving at the beginning of your point, and/or the person you are talking to turns away and begins to work on their computer, responding only with "Uh-huh(s)" and various grunts, that person is not engaged.

1,191

Insincerity.

1,190

Time keeps on slippin', slippin', slippin'...into THE FUTURE.

1,189

Working for the g'damn weekend.

1,188

Being
O
R
E
D
!

1,187

Mike Fuck-abee.

1,186

Grandma falling down, dislocating her elbow and breaking her arm. Stupid uneven sidewalks!!

1,185

Having to work on December 24.

1,184

Time-killing before holiday release.

1,183

Being DONE. But not "done."

1,182

The asinine poll questions on CNN.com.

1,181

Being a grown-up.

1,180

Moral and financial obligations.

1,179

The creeping, insidious fear that no one gives a shit.

1,178

Being both an emotional cripple AND a hopeless romantic.

1,177

Where have I been? Am I losing my edge?

1,176

Passive Aggressive co-workers.

1,175

The metal leg of my new desk at my new job is right between my knees. File cabinets -- and coworkers -- on either side of me prevent lateral repositioning. You gotta be fucking kidding me. What am I doing with my life?

1,174

At the interview: Yes, you should hire me because I have done this job before.
At my new desk: Oh shit, that's right. I hated this job the first time I had it.

1,173

That there is a video like this that has only gotten 68,000 views in over a year and I have no clue whether this was followed up by *anyone* in congress in the last seven years!

1,172

Sick Sucks!!!

1171

Urinary tract infection. Owie!

1,170

The notion that Waterboarding is like swimming.

1,169

A fucking singing Scooby Doo Christmas stocking that keeps getting activated not 6 feet away from me.

1,168

Curmudgeons

1,167

Hubby sick yet again! Suckass.

1,166

Estrogen Withdrawal Headache. Are you freakin kidding me? Goddammit.

1,165

Honestly! Who calls in sick his first day of work? And why does the temp agency seem to think this is no problem? jerkoffs.

1,164

I'm a sucker and volunteered to come in tomorrow to train him.

1,163

My replacement called in sick his first day of work.

1,162

No recognition for the people who noticed mistakes in the numbering and corrected for them in the numbering of their own posts. (1,162 is the right number.)

1,161

We missed 1,145 too.

1,160

Feeling guilty about moving on with your life.

1,159

Working yourself up into a frenzy over something that is not going to matter at all immediately after it is over.

1,157

Having a "velvet" constitution.

1,156

Thursdays.

1,155

Working really hard and meticulously on a Christmas present, sending it to the printers, and getting it back printed totally wrong.

1,154

The waiting.

1,153

More than 15,000 spam emails in three days.

1,152

People. They are the worst.

1,151

Being guffaw-inducingly hilarious, totally killing with the audience, and not getting any positive feedback from the director. Boo.

1,150.5

God dammit, I messed up the numbering. But that stops right here and now. RIGHT HERE AND NOW.

1,150

The unmourned passing of entry 1,145.

1,149

That "new boss smell."

1,148

According to a friend, and I tend to agree: EVERYTHING.

1,147

Being cast, YET AGAIN, as a drag queen. Something about me seems to scream "pre-op tranny."

1,146

Directors for very small-scale play readings who seem to think they are putting on a Broadway production and expect you to go to extensive rehearsals and costume yourself.

1,144

Actors who bring the drama into their real life and subsequently into MY life.

1,143

Neighbors who decide to have a very loud party, yelling and screaming at 1 AM a Sunday night.

1,142

The phrase "my bad."

1,141

Trying to have a conversation with someone whose biggest goal in life is to "be a Bond girl!"

1,140

Having to "clean my cubicle and have only certain things visible" because of the VISITING RICH OIL BARONS FROM ABU DHABI. Are you freakin kidding me?

1,139

Having to stay in during lunch because of VISITING RICH OIL BARONS FROM ABU DHABI.

1,138

Being disproportionally hungover from 2 beers.

1,137

CHRISTMAS MUSIC

1,136

Favorite sneakers: unwearable, discontinued, unreplaceable.

1,136

God seems to hate my face.

1,135

Over-caffeination and no focus for that energy.

1,133

Ditto, the people who have handicap parking permits and don't need them.

1,132

People who use the handicap door openers who are not handicapped. Laziness is not a handicap.

1,131

daily overhead-office-light-induced headaches.

1,130

shitty tweezers.

1,129

I should have a lot more to show for myself.

1,128

Women in public restrooms who pee with such force it sounds like they're in there playing California firefighter. I don't know why this ... ugh ... pisses me off so much, but it really drives me crazy. I don't need to hear that. If you're within range for normal human urethral diameter and aren't pregnant (or in some other way diseased) I shouldn't feel like I need to duck and cover when you tinkle.

1,128

"Bad Chemicals," as Kurt Vonnegut might put it.

1,126

Lately, being physically unable to sleep in on days off.

1,125

Dragging myself like a snail unwillingly to work after a great long weekend of doing what I WANT to do with my life.

1,124

Insomnia.

1,123

Not being able to be honest with other people about something.

1,122

People not being honest about something.

1,121

Illness in da' house!

1,120

Having to miss the fun and camaraderie I have come to associate with Thanksgiving.

1,119

Hollywood types who just can't reach outside themselves enough to relate or have compassion for anyone else around them.

1,118

Having a co-star who leaves the set after the wrap without just a courtesy goodbye or handshake, seeing as we'd just spent the last two days working so hard together. Nothing.

1,117

Having a co-star who believes he's a vampire and says things like this completely seriously: "I come alive when the sun goes down."

1,116

Having a co-star who is begging the sound guy or anyone else around for some Vicodin.

1,115

Having a co-star who arrives to set late and having had only three hours of sleep and he is so out of it his hands are shaking and he almost passes out during a take because he was up all night fighting with his "crazy girlfriend."

1,114

When remarking to said co-star that his hair looks very different in his reel, co-star responding, "I'm a shapeshifter."

1,113

Having a co-star who makes you watch his reel on his iPhone.

1,112

Having a co-star who makes you looks at his headshots on his iPhone.

1,111

Having a co-star who ANSWERS HIS PHONE during a rehearsal take.

1,110

Having a co-star who CLOSES HIS EYES while doing a take with you, since the camera can't see his face.

1,109

Having a co-star who doesn't greet you in the morning.

1,108

Having an unbelievably self-involved co-star.

1,107

Having to be a bitch.

1,106

Girl knocking on my office door: Hi! I am from the women's basketball team! I am selling pies to earn money for uniforms. Today is the last day, are you interested?

Me: No.

1,105

Girl at a gas station selling cosmetics: Hi! Excuse me! Can I have a minute of your time?

Me: Um. No, you can't.

1,104

Being too sober to forget.

1,103

Being too drunk to remember.

1,102

The fact that I was so tired from writing lame bios of lawyers for my freelance job that I actually read 1,100 as 2,000. Good God.

1,101

Having the honor and distinction of writing the 2,000th posting to this blog is, perhaps, the most fulfilling thing I have done today.

1,100

The fact that the First Year Alcohol Education Course does not, I might add, include drinks recipes or tips for slicing a lemon so that the slices stay neatly on the edge of the glass looking elegant and soignee, rather than like clumsily chopped hunks of lemon.

1,099

The fact that a formal protest of said mandatory First Year Alcohol Education Course is utterly useless, and will only result in an escalating battle of snide, increasingly hostile emails betwixt me and the hideous, patronizing, obtusely bureaucratic hag who crouches over the desk in the First Year Alcohol Education Course Coordination Office.

1,098

My university has informed me that although I am a 26 year old transfer student, I must nevertheless complete a mandatory online First Year Alcohol Education Course, or be blocked from registering for spring quarter.

1,097

Pre cut hams. I want to cut my own goddamned ham.

1,096

Expensive spices. Spices should be free with any purchase, if you ask me.

1,095

When your buddy can't come to Turkey Day.

1,094

When your sweetie can't come to Turkey Day.

1,093

Marking time doing nothing when you could be elsewhere doing MANY other things.

1,092

$300 left after paying bills.

1,091

The entire wing of the building I'm working on is sick. There's NO ONE here.

1,090

It is physically impossible to look good the whole week of my period.

1,089

Thinking that you've requested the right RSP's for censorship, but then Ciniram is all "Dude, we didn't get that request." WTF?!

1,088

Having to spend all the money I'm making on a film to purchase wardrobe for said film.

1,087

The neighbors that decided to have a very loud party on their balcony until 2 in the morning, even after being asked nicely to go inside and close the windows.

1,086

Getting dragged into another couple's lovers spat.

1,085

Jenkem.

1,084

Fuck you, you old bitch.

1,083

My absolutely bat-shit insane neighbor, banging on my door and yelling because I parked in front of her house and she wanted me to move my car.

1,082

Paresthesia.

1,081

Feeling certain beloved, guiding lights in your life pulling away and knowing there's nothing you can do but let them go.

1,080

Rapid mood swings.

1,079

Low Blood Sugar.

1,078

Just overheard, re: striking writers outside: "Get a job as a waiter if you hate it so much. I do not have any sympathy for them at all."

1,077

Getting so many texts that you get a text telling you to delete texts in order to receive the next text incoming.

1,076

Having to just accept being shit on because it will do more damage to the shitter-on to stand up for yourself than it does to you to just take it and shut up.

1,075

When the internet connection goes down at work, even if it is only for 15 minutes. Those 15 minutes suck.

1,074

The extremely loud BABY SHOWER going on in the waiting room outside my office. My door is shut and I STILL can't hold a phone conversation.

1073

Making an honest mistake.

1072

My dear friend is in a loveless marriage.

1071

To devote your life to a place that then throws you away when you aren't young enough anymore.

1070

Not being able to thank a person properly before they are gone forever.

1069

Losing another important mentor in my life to cancer.

1,068

Getting a raise and still not making nearly enough to break even let alone start whittling down debt.

1,067

Spending money to make money.

1,066

I'm really just grumpy because my back hurts. Gah.

1,065

Knowing the movie I'm about to be in is going to be pretty wretched.

1,064

The bird that decided to poop on my friend's head. That is so rude.

1,063

Someone canceling two days in a row.

1,062

Having a friend who is a hermit (and doesn't do myspace or facebook or blogging or anything so I don't know what the hell they are up to).

1,061

Facebook is weird and confusing and I just joined for the band but it forced me to make a personal profile and forced me to show my last name and I'm kind of annoyed by that but also by just the proliferation of networking sites and why people migrate from one to another and why in the world do people share such detailed information about trivial crap and it makes me worried about the future and divulging things you shouldn't and the possible roundup of everyone who has some kind of dissident opinion because we're so traceable now and I think I'm becoming overly paranoid and the future of the internet means less privacy and I'm one to talk I blog all the time but on days like this I feel like shutting down and never sharing anything again but then I think of how nice it is to communicate with my friends so I keep doing it.

1,060

The oh-so-fickle nature of the immune system.

1,059

The lord givething and the lord takething away.

1,057

Why in the world did I just eat that Reese's Peanut Butter Cup?

1,056

God damn pigs.

1,055

Getting pulled over and ticketed for making an illegal right turn after stopping to clean sticky brown soda off my car windows.

1,054

Having to take time out on the way to work to pull over and clean said sticky brown soda off my car windows.

1,053

For the love of sweet, sweet Jesus. Do you people have NOTHING to do other than think about your car, where it is parked, and where other people are parking their cars??!!

1,052

Whoever it is in my stupid neighborhood who keeps throwing sticky brown soda on my car at night. 4th time this week.

1,051

The Writer's Strike is already costing the jobs of people I know.

1,050

Angst, in general.

1,049

Existential angst.

1,048

Not being able to make myself think of anything that's not work related.

1,047

Not actually having any work to do, but having to remain AT work.

1,046

Being so goddamned sensitive about everything and everyone.

1,045

Constantly living in fear of hurting someone's feelings or stepping on someone's toes or making someone angry and in so doing not living an authentic life.

1,044

The magnificent hang-over I suffered all day yesterday through.

1046

My asshole boss. I know its cliche, but the guy is evil. He learned how to manage from a book titled 'The Marine Core Way', from which he will from time to time throw us little golden nuggets of wisdom. Never mind that he has a never served a day of his life in any of the armed services.

1,045

A meeting titled, "How Not To Waste Time At Work."

1,044

Bullshit office politics.

1,043

And ESPECIALLY the people who think it is artistic.

1,042

Not to mention the people that think it's cute.

1,041

And the people who allow it to happen.

1,040

Babies dressed like flowers.

1,039

Not being able to remember where you parked.

1,038

People who welch on group costumes.

1037

Baby Einstein DVD's

1036

World Chump Stephen Neal

1035

When the 405 gets closed and its stupid drivers end up taking my route home, thereby turning my 35 minute commute into a 75 minute creeping tour of hell.

1,034

The one time you bother to cry for help and no one answers.

1,033

No one at work really understands our costume. Humph.

1,032

Worker's comp: don't ever fill it out unless you want ALL of your medical records released as fair game to the insurance company.

1,031

Oh, my achin' back!

1,030

Tim F LaHaye and Jerry B Jenkins

1,029

God-fearing fucktards who spend their life fear-mongering about living in the end times (no seriously, this time, it's for real) and equate homosexuality with Communisim and Judaism.

1,028

The unhappy gays: What everyone should know about homosexuality by Tim F LaHaye

1,027

Left Behind: The Kids by Tim F LaHaye and Jerry B Jenkins

Shit! The Kids! What dooo we do about all those 8 year olds we left behind when we got raptured?!? And my 4 year old who never accepted Jesus into her heart, who's going to look after her?!? Oh well, fuck it, I'm raptured.

1,026

Left Behind by Tim F LaHaye and Jerry B Jenkins

1,025

Not being able to be "ok."

1,024

Searing, stupid pain.

1,023

Really, seriously injuring my back while putting up Halloween decorations at work.

1,022

Tan hands.

1,021

Going about your day, mediocrely.

1,020

Co-workers who do not knock. Jesus, give me a minute to close some windows. I'm not working here!

1,019

You meet a great guy. But he lives in Spain. But he's coming to visit you. But he brings his girlfriend. But at least you'll get to see him and he's only staying three blocks away. But he got in two days ago and still hasn't called. But it's ok because you're really busy anyway even though you're unemployed -- oh my! it's almost 1:30pm, time to put on pants and/or brush your teeth and/or watch more Price Is Right.

1,018

My aunt asking to be removed from my band's email list.

1,017

My co-worker talking loudly about his daughter "orgasming in her pants."

1,016

Wanting things back the way they were.

1,015

When things change.

1,014

Wishing things would change.

1,013

Getting turned down for a crappy fucking minor program in professional writing, in favor of a bunch of glassy-eyed, ass-licking 19-year-olds who believe that "writing is their passion, and they write because they can't not write, and insert cliche here." Oh, and I already have a job as a professional writer, but no, I was not admitted to the program not because of that, but because other students are "more deserving and received higher scores on the preface describing their passion for writing." Guess who won't be getting acknowledged in any Pulitzer Prize acceptance speeches, cocksuckers.

1,012

Patronizing men who work in leather goods. Don't ask.

1,011

Shabby journalism assuming that Al Quaida is responsible for the Southern California fires. If they are, that's the laziest terrorism I've ever seen.

1,010

I really, seriously do not get arsonists. I mean, I like fire as much as the next person, but wow.

1,009

This place is starting to feel like a scary trap with no way out.

1,008

The air seems worse today than the beginning of the week, if that's even possible.

1,007

Taking off of work and going to the dentist on the wrong day.

1,005

Let me ask you something Hipster Douche-bag. Does that pick-up method EVER work for you?

1,004

Walking across the street in Silver Lake and having some Hipster Douche-bag yell at you:

"You. My bed. Now!"

1,003

"Jokes" from the VP of your department regarding your employment status.

1,002

Telling a co-worker, "I don't internalize. I am dead inside."

1,001

Is there no escape from these taupe colored walls, so similar to mental health institution color palates, and the constant scent of slightly burned bagels in the morning, replaced by microwaved popcorn afternoons...weepy co-workers, over-weight ladies discussing latest diet plans whilst sipping their diet cokes, and the sad-sack husbands, eternally asking for more crotch level attention from exhausted mommy-wives?

1,000

I can't believe it took 9 months to get a 10th of the way through this list.

999

And the black cloud of disappointment constantly radiating in unhealthy, dust-filled waves from the air vent of my prison cell.

998

The air of suck-i-tude permeating from my office mate.

997

The way greed and evil is constantly rewarded over patience and good.

996

That apparently almost all of my friends (save one who may be soon be demoted to the "acquaintances" list) hate, loathe and/or abhor what they are doing M - F, from approximately 8 a.m. to 6 p.m.

995

But screw you, I'm not sorry!

994

Putting husband in a bad position because of my blabbing.

993

I hate that I hate speaking my mind.

992

Embarassed and horrified by the awkwardness and my stomach is in knots.

991

But you know what? You guys are assholes.

990

MAJORLY putting my foot in my mouth.

987

Having to convince yourself to apply for a job that makes you a complete sell-out, AND it's a job you are over-qualified for and STILL not getting a call back.

986

Applying for a job that you are way qualified for and not even getting a call.

985

Yes, it is getting to me.

984

Flighty, bubble-headed, brain-dead no-talents succeeding at something awesome without really even trying.

983

Someone taking themselves and their sad little promotion waaaaaay too seriously.

982

UTTER. BULLSHIT.

981

When a store or restaurant mistakenly charges you twice for something then doesn't have the courtesy to reconcile it immediately. Note, they certainly made sure the charges went through in a timely manner. Give me my money back bitches!

980

The way there are never any healthy snacks around.

979

Bitches!

978

Can't get away from the smell of smoke.

977

Constantly resisting the urge to go on wild spending spree.

976

$50 gift card in lieu of raise.

975

Near run-ins with exes and the slightly unnerving premonition that you were going to do so.

974

Dirty air and apocalyptic sunsets.

973

Not being divorced yet.

972

No lovers.

971

Lousy lovers.

970

Secret lovers.

969

Part time lovers.

968

My boss is going to Hawaii next week for the 5th time this year.

967

Bacne.

966

Blue Diamond no longer seems to sell Maui Onion flavored almonds. Why not- were they poison? Because I ate about 15 cans of them, you know.

965

Having 8 hours to issue addendum number 5 to construction documentation on a project that has already gone through 4 previous painstaking rounds of "value engineering". Do you want a nicer hotel or not? Shit costs money, is all I'm sayin'...

964

Being called "insatiable". I can be sated. For a minute, at least.

963

$550 brake job that takes 5.5 hours out of your precious Sunday afternoon.

962

$550 brake job.

961

NOT having other human beings to deal with if you need them.

960

Ditto, those who think waving little American Flags somehow makes them more patriotic.

959

People who think that sporting a "Support the Troops" Yellow Magnetic Ribbon on their gas-guzzling monstrous vehicle somehow how cancels the atrociousness of the hypocrisy they are displaying.

958

Both the frailty and the fury of nature when stretched beyond it's capacity.

957

I'm a grumpy bastard.

956

Having to deal with other human beings.

955

Stripper Pumpkins.

954

Being forever split in two.

953

As part of my current career, having to listen to people spout industry buzzwords such as "entity framework," "forward thinking," and "integrated experience" all day long...every day.

952

It's going to be 100 degrees tomorrow.

951

We are literally surrounded by fire in every direction.

950

And it looks like another day of headache!

949

Not knowing what to say and just stammering, "I'm sorry" and making it worse because the miles that divide us are just too wide.

948

Sucking at something that you care so much about and means so much to you. And just sucking at it.

947

Missing the funeral.

946

A very intense flash bulb going off directly in my eye and now I can't see the computer screen at work this morning, 12 hours later.

945

Never-ending headache ruining whole weekend and making my brain completely useless and uncreative and I think I'm going to just whine until it goes away because I can't seem to make anything else work.

944

Coming back.

943

Knowing there's nothing I can do to fix it.

942

People who make other peoples' tragedies all about them.

942

Onions that had been soaking in cold, congealed meat fat.

941

Being asked if I mind eating left over onions wrapped in a cold corn tortilla.

940

That the only thing I had to look forward to today was an obligatory "lunch provided" by management, only to discover my vulturous co-workers (who are NOT vegetarians mind you) had eaten all the vegetarian food before I could get in to the kitchen.

939

Having to drink said coffee in the vain hope that it will get rid of throbbing headache and smooshy, fogging thinking.

938

Coffee that tastes like melted tires with a sprinkling of hairy road kill.

937

Fundraising for a living. Fuck this.

935

The worst possible week at work being extended by one day.

934

Having a dream that Creepy Guy That I Work With was trying to kill me.

933

Recurring nightmares of teeth falling out, cracking, and rotting.

932

On top of the regular maintenance headaches, the guaranteed blinding debilitating headache that comes every 28 days. Fantastic!

931

Being blamed for things going wrong that are completely out of one's control.

930

Not being able to spend much time with friends coming in from out of town because of having to work stupid amounts.

929

Working 60 hours in one week.

928

Being forced into an awkward situation.

927

Continually making poor choices about food.

926

Have you ever heard this, "No way! Your penis is really tiny!"?
Didn't you feel like a loser?
Don't let girls prefer dildo to you ! Megadik will make you a real man ! You should simply rely on this magic preparation!
"Oh! Your penis is so large!" Isn't that what you just love to hear?
Soon you'll be the only one ladies will desire ! Megadik is your real cure!

925

Discovering C.G.T.I.W.W.'s bookmarked Web site "Age Match.com - The best dating site for matching up older men and younger women."

(Double Shudder)

924

Dissatisfaction. This blows.

923

LA Live "Nokia Theatre" - $125 for concert tickets, not including fees? What the hell do you think I am? Magic? The performer had better be spouting GOLD into the audience for that price.

922

Only 160 kbps, Radiohead? Really? With no liner notes or anything?

...*sigh*...I love you anyway.

921

WTF, C.G.T.I.W.W.??

920

Said C.C.T.I.W.W.: So....do you live far away from here? (Shudder)

919

Said C.G.T.I.W.W: I don't have anything to do except go home and sit there, so I think I'll just hang around.

918

Especially when Creepy Guy That I Work With, is also working.

917

Working from 8 am to 10 pm.

916

Still dealing with a ridiculous skin breakout that started a month ago in Philadelphia. DAMN you, Philadelphia! Damn you.

915

Having to "bring it" at 9 am.

914

Frozen bullshit.

913

The way that 11 am to 5 pm goes by at light speed on a Saturday or Sunday, and slow as frozen bullshit Monday - Friday.

912

Even with all that, still no sympathy. "I need a ride!!!"

911

Husband out of nowhere coming down with horrible food poisoning just seconds before car dies.

910

"It's just such a pain in the ass to park at the airport! I'd rather you drive me!"

909

Dead car battery right before leaving to take totally unsympathetic sister to airport.

908

Having to work while you have out of town guests.

907

Poopy smelling bathrooms, covered up with a horrid "citrus" smelling aerosol air freshener. (Where citrus, somehow, manages to only heighten the poop smelling attributes.)

906

Poopy smelling bathrooms.

905

Creepy guy that I work with smokes Ultra-Light, Menthol Virginia Slims. Not really sure why this pisses me off, but it does. Fucking weirdo.

904

Lying awake in a cold sweat until 2:30 AM contemplating the very idea of being and how could the universe possibly exist in eternity.

903

I'm pretty sure my coworker was masturbating in the bathroom stall next to me today.

902

Despite that fact that she is, at least, a Democrat - isn't there anyone else out there just even SLIGHTLY miffed that for the last TWENTY YEARS either a Bush or Clinton has been president??? Can we mix this shit up a bit? Hello???

901

And I suspect the whole thing was a set up from the beginning.

900

Getting bullshit sprung on you at the last minute by boss. Followed by a "hey, hope you don't mind."

899

The new scanner at work makes my computer freeze if I am running any other %$%^#$ program.

898

Passive-aggression.

897

Having to be the bad cop at work for my oft absent boss.

896

Midas didn't do my brakes right.

895

Nightmares about falling from a tower all night.

894

Nightmares about zombies all night.

893

When friends drink themselves to death.

892

Not being properly pissed in months.

891

Owners of a certain model pick-up truck, who feel the need to scratch off certain lettering to create other words, such as "Toy," "Yo," and "Yota"

890

Make that $5.10 in the checking account - to last for the next two days. Holy shit, I suck.

889

My Dad yet again relentlessly sending me newspaper clippings from The Big Raging Movie Industry In New Mexico.

888

BLOGGER ARCHIVES, ETERNALLY BROKEN!! Ahhhhhhh!!! Somebody shoot me.

887

Carrot Top, period.

886

Carrot Top's inexplicably buff, disturbingly deformed arms.

885

$17.80 in your checking account to last for the next 4 days.

884

Oh yeah, rejection. That sucks too.

883

Having a love/hate relationship with your life's calling.

882

Apathy.

881

Anxiety, general.

880

Denial.

879

I feel like I was just here.

878

That anyone ever led me to believe that acne stops once you reach adulthood. Mine didn't even START until adulthood.

877

I am in the middle of a massive zit breakout that is so embarassing, I feel like I'm in high school, afraid of leaving the house.

876

Watching a love triangle play out before your eyes that is so stereotyped it seems staged.

878

I used to be a much more eloquent and honest writer on my blog, and now it's like a whitewashed garble of sound and fury signifying nothing.

877

I've already eaten way too much chocolate today.

876

It's exactly two years I've had this friggin back injury. I'm pretty tired of it at this point.

875

That with only one month exception, we are posting progressively less every month.

874

Co-workers who ask me why I am "so serious all the time." Do you people honestly think I am here for enjoyment? Well, yes. I guess I am serious. Serious about getting in and out, so I can get on with my life.

873

Those who insist on holding conversations in the bathroom. This is all business people, it's not a social call.

872

that there are adults who think this makes sense.

871

Our numbering is off.

870

Miscommunication

869

frothing

868

that people, after hearing the word "strategery" exit a grown man's mouth, actually said, "Yeah, he sounds good to me!" and voted for the dick face. It's been almost seven years and I'm still frothing.

867

A President who's so goddamned moronic and disinterested in, you know, doing his job of being President to learn where he is, to whom he is speaking, and learn even a modicum of geography, politics, or even his own fucking language.

866

That no matter what, some people will continuously fail to meet even the bottom rung on the ladder of my expectations.

865

Now I get no bonus at all. I miss the chocolate time card.

864

One year we got a chocolate time card as a bonus. A CHOCOLATE TIME CARD.

863

And is glad to at least be getting something.

862

Expects a bonus...gets 2 movies passes.

861

1,098 spams in 5 minutes.

what

the

fuck

860

Another Monday morning and no end in sight.

859

"Is IT in you?"

858

Muscle knot in back that makes it hard to take a deep breath, due to limping because of broken toe.

856

Pining for someone who isn't pining for you.

855

Breaking a toe while waiting for a job interview.

854

Breaking a toe.

853

Job Interviews.

852

9,678 spam emails since Saturday.

851

I have nonstop back injury-related headaches. I'm off of work for two weeks: headache GONE. I'm able to think clearly, focus, etc. I'm back to work one day: headache BACK.

Fuck.

850

Any commentary by Sandra Tsing Loh

849

Sunburns.

848

Muscle pulls.

847

Cowardly Republicans, who only criticize their former masters after the fact, and having been paid 8 Million to do so. Fuckers.

846

Overhearing this conversation, of some guy on a phone outside my office:

"Yo, reading the bible is mad fun, dog. Sometime we read it at the beach, and sometimes we just go wherever and read it. Like whatever, bra."
Pause.
"Nah, man, I won't be mad or nothing if you don't want to come."
Pause.
"We shoot for a commitment man, that's all. It'll be your fall."
Pause.
"We're all here cause our parents DON'T go to church, that's THEIR problem."
Pause.
"Well, how DO you use the bible?"
Pause.
"Do you have a cheerful heart?"
Pause.
"You don't have a problem. Things are looking up for you. But you should come. Later."
Click.

845

Things changing and people leaving and shit.

844

When your toilet overflows into your shower as you are walking out the door for a vacation.

843

And all the spoiled, rich, blond, California girl-bimbos were dressed like Amy Winehouse wannabes.

842

Plus there were only 2 check stands open and it took 30 minutes just to get through.

841

Having to go to Ralph's at 10:30 on a Thursday night to buy baby asprin for your old dog and standing in line behind hundreds of USC students buying booze.

840

Poor old doggie, stiff and sore, having trouble laying down.

839

This.Seriously, it's stuff like this that makes me wonder if humanity is worth preserving.

838

Does ANYONE tell the truth anymore? Ever?

837

The constant, CONSTANT lying of those in the Republican party.

836

Fucking hippies.

835

If someone asks why you don't wear deodorant it's not a "lucky guess." You need it. Just use it.

834

Dames always shrieked at me and even chaps did in the free john!
Well, now I shriek at them, because I took Mega Dick.
For 6 months now my shaft is indeed more than national.

833

Gonzo. Everything.

832

The hypocrisy of the GOP knowing no bounds.

831

The genius of my friends and I going unrecognized for far too long.

830

The asshole who got in the garage and stole our lawnmower. Hey, fuck-face. You forgot the grass-catch bag. Have fun mowing your lawn, shit-brick.

829

The asshole who moved out and left the garage door unlocked.

828

And what have I become?

827

The fact that I said, "my concern is that the average site viewer will not find the landing page content very engaging" in a meeting yesterday. Where the FUCK did that come from?

826

The internet isn't vast and/or funny enough to get me through the day.

825

Sears - and their complete lack of customer service, or even competent employees for that matter.

824

Lying credit card companies.

823

The inability to help people out in the ways I most want to.

822

When the very sight of trashcans left in the street can ruin your day.

821

Really bad DJs who think the way to resolve bad system wiring is to turn up the volume.

820

Really bad DJs with worse sound systems.

819

Being constantly dissatisfied with what you must lower yourself to do everyday.

818

Work. It's for chumps.

817

The construction mess of yet another mass of condos being erected across the street from my office. No one is going to rent them. Stop blocking up traffic with your cranes and cement mixers and making it impossible to have a phone conversation and sullying my entire building and parking lot with daily layers of soot. Really, just stop.

816

The never ending traffic cluster fuck at Lincoln and Washington on my lunch hour, when going to the divorce store for the 11th damn time.

815

People who try to come in my office and hustle me for shit like better phone rates or cheaper labor law posters and get aggressive as I kick them out and point out the "No Soliciting" sign affixed to our door.

814

When friends aren't getting along the way they should be.

813

Hormonal and stress related acne requiring 4 prescriptions to get under control. Fuck you, hormonal stress- I will KILL you!

812

Being included on the tippity top of your ex's MASS email about how he finally quit the job that destroyed your relationship, and then getting berated by him about not expressing some kind of orgiastic glee that he finally made the decision he should have made a year and a half ago. What do you want, a fucking personalized plaque now for being some kind of emotional genius?

811

Getting yelled and cursed at by a shitty little "project manager" from NY first thing in the morning. At least let me have my green tea latte first, asshole.

810

Year and a half long headache.

809

Being unable to differentiate PMS-related emotional muck with real, genuine emotional muck.

808

Why? Just answer me that.

807

I despise the git who said that in #803. What the fuck.

806

Chinatown

805

Lonesometown

804

Crazytown

803

Someone telling you that your movie is "too short and stupid" to be appreciated by the French.

802

I don't remember driving to work this morning.

801

Having puffy eyes for over a week.

800

When sweet things hurt you. Like getting punched in the face by a bunny rabbit.

799

Being powerless to change someone else's heart.

798

I finally found an OB/GYN I like and she's not in network with the plan that seems only slightly less seedy and horrible. Goddammit!!!

797

I have to choose between two health insurance carriers who are both considered the "best" but both have dirty, seedy, horrible underbellies and I can't figure out if one is any better or worse than the other because other than Michael Moore's website, there is no information on the web on consumer ratings of health insurance companies.

796

This.

795

Healthcare in America.

794

Poor sister getting treated like crap by a horrible prosecuting attorney.

793

Waking up with a headache I did everything to deserve.

792

Not having air conditioning in your office.

791

Finding out people you worked with who you assumed were much better paid are just as disgruntled, bored and wanting more out of their job as you are.

790

Overhearing a co-worker say to another co-worker, "It's so hot outside! I hope you have your swamp cooler on at home." Yeah, you wouldn't want your couch and television to get too hot while you're away!

789

In accordance with 788, I shouldn't have to wear a heavy sweater and closed shoes to work every day just to keep from freezing. My extremities shouldn't be frozen. I shouldn't have to be drinking hot tea to stay warm in the middle of summer.

788

That every time the temperature goes up outside, the indoor thermostat in offices seems to adjust accordingly in the opposite direction. Dear co-workers - just because it is 100 degrees outside does not mean it should be 60 degrees inside...

787

Hair in food.

786

Waking up with a headache that I didn't even have the pleasure of drinking too much to deserve.

785

That people still buy the "wanting to spend more time with my family" excuse.

784

The monstrous Karl Rove's apparent attempt to sneak out the back door of the White House.

783

Any one who describes something that is made in 1985 as 'vintage'. I'm not old enough for my childhood t-shirts to be ironic yet dammit!

782

Forced participation in a night's activity that can, at best, be described as "TMI," and at worst, "I can no longer look you in the eye on a daily basis."

781

There's practically nothing honest I can write about on my regular blog anymore. Too many "nice-y" people reading it.

780

I've probably mentioned this before, but where's the money? I want some.

779

Finding out that people you like and respect turn into horrifying, suffocating parents.

778

It's people like you that me so skittish about using the telephone. Trust the power of voice mail. Trust it.

777

Why the bloody hell do people pick up the phone if they are in the middle of something and can't talk? You are not contractually obligated to pick up a phone every time it rings!! If you pick up when you're unable to talk, then I become this person who has annoyed you for calling at a bad time. Stop answering your phone!!

775

hi there is a man knocking at the door wanting to have a serious relation with.he likes you and love to know you.he is sweet lovely and hope to give his life some meaning by knowing you.

774

When a band has such a stupid name that you find you can't listen to them, even if you like their music, and still take yourself seriously.

773

Seeing a dead kitten on the road on the way to work. Way to start the day off lame, world.

772

Creepy guy that I work with got reported by two different women for sexual harassment and one of them wasn't me.

771

Worrying about friends far away and collapsing bridges.

770

I'm really bothered by the death of Jeremy Blake and his girlfriend.

769

Have to pee. ALL the time.

768

Reggae.

767

Horrible neighbor-owners of monstrous neighbor-dogs.

766

Horrible neighbor-dogs, start barking at 4 am and go until 5:30 am.

765

Whoever left their damn dirty dishes in the bathroom sink at work. What's the matter with you?

764

Missing a concert because of Sick, and not being able to get a refund.

763

Giving my Sick to others. That is just so rude.

762

Losing a whole weekend to Sick. It's ok if it's during the work week, but when it spills over? Suck.

761

"Sent from the mighty blackberry!"

760

Forgetting your glasses.

759

Picking up the book you want to buy only to find "Oprah's Book Club" stamped on the cover. I can't buy you now, damn it!

758

Hot ladies who emaciate themselves. (I'm looking at you Amy Winehouse.) Girls, come on. Curves are where it's at.

757

Hugging a really skinny chick. Will I break you?

756

That there is no such thing as a free lunch. Why can't there be? Damn it. It's true.

755

I cancelled our entire trip to Comic-Con because my Dad was going to be visiting and I was supposed to be in a show. The show cut me, and now my Dad cut his trip, and I ain't gots no Comic-Con. God dammit, again!

754

Having a cold and my period in 95 degree heat is making me a bit loony and overdramatic.

753

My Mom would have visited and been thrilled just to hang out with us. No business reasons needed. God dammit, I miss her so much.

752

My Dad was supposed to fly in this evening for a week-long visit, and just called and cancelled. His reason? "My business reasons for coming evaporated."

750

Getting deluged in net traffic because a lame porn site opened up by the same name.

749

The phrase "My two-cents worth." Keep your cheap-ass opinion to yourself then!

748

Too slow to buy tickets online to see one of my favorite bands play.

747

I woke up sick. Bleh.

746

Congratulations, Los Angeles, Least Affordable City!!!

745

Watching a bigger asshole come out of the sea with a tiger shark that he'd harpooned.

744

Being the two assholes that didn't get a ticket.

743

And the sheltered, lame-ass, prick-hole neighbor-narcs who ratted on us. You may have won this round prick-holes, but we'll always be more awesome. And happier.

742

F' the police.

741

At your birthday celebration.

740

Being given the choice between 3 days in jail or an $80 fine, that will go on your "permanent summer record."

739

When the Malibu police say, "there's the letter of the law and then there's the SPIRIT of the law. So you guys can just go back to frisbee while I write your citations."

738

When the Malibu police open up your beach cooler, find your margarita fixin's and say, "OK, Gather 'round people."

737

At my birthday celebration.

736

All my happy smiling friends getting charged $80 a piece for having a good time.

735

Malibu Police busting up my quiet beach community for drinking.

734

The neighbors and their fucking parking ISSUES!!! Yes, AGAIN!! Get a life people!

733

Spoken word.

732

The phrase "Pull yourself up by your boot straps."
Just...
Fuck you.

731

Conversations constructed entirely of meaningless corporate phraseology.

730

People who find at least 6 different ways to make you aware of their religious beliefs in the span of 4 hours.

729

Being told you are not "exceptional" in enough categories to warrant an extra 1% pay increase.

728

Talent agent my ass.

727

When your SO talented, wonderful friend feels bad about stupid Hollywood when stupid Hollywood is lame, superficial and so not about the talented people who give them the chance to see them perform. They should be so lucky.

726

YOU fucking (can we curse here?) go out there and make a movie, if you're so fucking smart!

725

Everyone's a frickin' critic. People who don't deserve to be. People who are stupid and dim-witted and don't like things because they don't understand them. STOP IT. Just STOP IT and enjoy the fact that your ass is being entertained!!!

724

My co-worker can't just go to a movie and frickin' enjoy it. He's got to explain all the stupid, inane reasons why an awesome movie wasn't awesome because a shirt was the wrong color or his popcorn tasted bad or whatever...he just can't let himself enjoy anything.

723

My co-worker is dead inside and it makes me sad.

722

Being an annoying actor who wallows.

721

Generally, just the humiliation of still not making it. Of the long, constant slog ahead. Of despair.

720

WHY CALL ME IN and have me work so hard if you're not even interested in legit singers?

719

I can't sing like an American Idol singer. It's not in my nature. My nature is apparently going to keep me from advancing in this business.

718

No one, and I mean NO ONE besides me at the agent audition was over 18.

717

Finding out that I'm actually an old dinosaur amongst a totally new generation of teenage american idol singers.

716

The accompanist not knowing how to play my song and giving me a sneer when I give him the music.

715

It's times like these I want to curl up and disappear.

714

Preparing for what feels like years to have an audition with an Equity agent who would submit me for theatre, finally getting a call from a very reputable one, and then her literally GRIMACING during my audition.

713

Paying a lot of money for voice lessons for an audition for an agent, and then just sucking anyway.

712

Having my husband do hours of hard work and editing to help me get a reel, and then not being able to use it.

711

Spending hundreds of dollars to get tapes of my old shows transfered to DVD so I can make a reel, and the person I made the reel for doesn't even want it.

710

"Hey Ladies! I'm pretty new to this whole myspace thing, i'm just looking to find some hot girls to trade pics and/or cams with...even cybering gets me off. I just wanna get crazy with some myspace hot chicks."

709

Bitterness.

708

Hang overs. I'm too old for this.

707

Waking up alone.

706

Recurring night terrors and sleep paralysis episodes, the like of which I have not had in years. Don't start up on me now, subconcious.

705

The waiting....

704

iEverything

703

Sitting alone in a hotel room in Reno, logging various things that piss me off.

702

Any car commercial featuring any sort of "Indie" band. Yeah, you hit my clit on the head with that one. Now, nothing will stop me from buying one of your corporate shill-mobiles.

701

"Everybody Loves Raymond."
Not everybody...not everybody.

700

Reno.

699

Being trapped in a weird hotel with a fake lake, in the middle of Reno, NV. There is nowhere to go around here. Nowhere.

698

Fake Lakes.

697

People who ask inane questions requiring obvious answers at inappropriate times, like 3 hours in to a very long, boring convention seminar.

696

People who crack and smack their gum, while taking their shoes off in public places like the airport.

695

People who crack and smack their gum.

694

Getting another call from an agent to represent me for film/tv and googling to discover he's the scum of the earth. So I'm finally getting calls from agents, but they're from the worst agents in town.

693

Yowch.

692

I am a doofball-a-saurus around people I admire. Dammit.