591

That I will automatically and immediately be drawn to the most expensive thing in any given store, while inevitably ending up purchasing the cheapest.

590

People who dump disgusting, ratty-ass large items like filthy, ripped up mattresses and busted bureaus on the street, in front of their houses, and are too lazy to call the FREE service that Los Angeles County offers to pick up said items, I suppose assuming, rightly, that some one else will get sick of tripping over it and eventually make the call for them.

589

That red wine now gives me headaches. At least my teeth are thankful. The rest of me is not.

588

Waking up with a headache.

587

Air-Tran Airlines. That sounds like a made up name to me. Even the cabbie had never heard of it. I think the plane was held together with duct tape.

586

The late, when you are always running early.

585

The early, when you are always running late.

584

The numbers don't add up.

583

It's been a rough month.

582

3 day weekends are such teases because you just start to relax and unwind and truly "vacate" by day 3 and then you're back.

581

Being 'mentored' by my boss. He's only 6 months older than me fer chrissake!

580

Having to get up at 5 am after only being able to sleep for 1.5 hours and drive to Glendale. To get an MRI at 6:30 am.

579

Having to get an MRI

578

Those people for which every single thing in their life seems to work out, in the best possible way, and usually in which the universe seems to throw endless gobs of money at, which they don't need, but take anyway. Especially when it happens to god damn trust fund babies.

577

When a trust fund baby gets a $30,000 a year scholarship to go to grad school.

576

When a trust fund baby says, "I'm not a trust fund baby! I don't even use mine!"

575

Trust fund babies

574

People who go into the single seater bathrooms, don't lock the door, and get made at you when you walk in on them.

(And I know in Chuck Palahniuk world's that a whole other invitation, but believe me, this was not that.)

573

The "Ocean's Eleven" franchise.

572

My boss told me earlier this week we could leave at 1 today, so I have this whole trip planned, and now he's reneging.

571

Kinko's. They're doing less for more. Way less.

570

The 2 hour Lost season finale. Double the frustruation, at half the pace.

569

Getting pulled over for not having a front license plate. Yeah, you can't surveill me easily enough for your tastes. Bite me.

568

Getting pulled over. On Crenshaw. By a bicycle cop. It's because I'm white, isn't it?

567

The one weekend I'm going out of town to go camping, which I've been planning for months, a TON of important stuff is happening in town and I can't see my friend who is visiting and I found out it's going to be freezing where we're camping. Feh.

566

Any, and all Adobe products. Just WORK DAMN IT!! Why, for ever-loving-god wont you JUST WORK?!

565

The people on the Adobe product forums. They seem to be out to deliberately antagonize each other rather than help. Don't you people have anything else to do besides stalk troubleshooting forums? Geez. I mean, I get it. You are obviously far smarter than anyone else on the forum, thus are entitled to snidely comment on the simplicity of other people's issues. Christ, you are awesome. Awesome!

564

Trying to find answers on Adobe Product forums.

563

4% raise = $1800 more.
Per year.
They don't call it a non-profit for nothing.
Sigh.

562

I am having crazy pain from the crazy dental work of a few weeks ago. It's been ramping up. I called the dentist and he said I essentially have to wait, that it could take "up to six months."

...whahhh?

560

Having missed so much work from being sick for so long that you now have to make it up by using vacation time not yet earned.

559

The way hotmail defaults to the bottom of the message you are trying to reply to.

558

Trying to sneak out for an audition and getting caught in traffic and not getting back for two hours. Notta so good.

558

Trying to sneak out for an audition and getting caught in traffic and not getting back for two hours. Notta so good.

557

Because of service changes, a woman who speaks only Polish is lost on the subway. Two women offer to help her. Kudos to them. But, they don't speak Polish and the Polish speaking woman doesn't speak English... so the two helpful women talk... really... slowly... and... LOUDLY... TO... HELP... HER!

"TAKE... THIS... TRAIN... TO 7TH... AVE... AND THEN GO ACROSS... THE PLATFORM... TAKE THIS TRAIN TO JAY AND... GET THE A... TO... BERGEN... BERGEN!"

Redeeming moment for this whole affair: The Pakistani man sitting across from me made eye contact with me and then laughed so hard that had he been drinking milk, it'd have come out his nose.

Why I didn't get involved: I had nothing to add except for saying "My name-a Borat, do you like me?"

556

My new checks arrived with "Los Angeles" misspelled. How did you manage that one, Bank of America?

555

"A Machete Wielding Arsonist was Shot to Death Tonight by Police in a Crawlspace under the 210 Freeway." Umm...you had a perfectly good machete wielding arsonist that the media could have had a real field day with and instead, you shot him in a crawlspace and now you can't figure out how to remove the body without employing a complex system of levers and pulleys that will transport him through a portion of the sewer? Shouldn't you maybe have coaxed him out with some tall grasses in need of a good machete-ing or a perhaps a brush fire and THEN shot him? Fucking LAPD. They just don't think things through.

554

When your doctor does not automatically offer you valium when you tell her your husband cheated on you and you are getting a divorce. Come on, it's the least you could do. Just a little valium. No big deal, right? I think I've earned it.

553

Having to call the Blue Cross billing dpt. These mofos can't make a simple decision without a 10 minute consultation with a supervisor, even when they are the ones who made the billing mistake in the first place. I said I didn't want your fucking dental insurance on my enrollment form. If I want my teeth to rot out of my head, that's my business. You sign me up for it anyway, and then double bill me for it. I'm obviously not going to pay it, but you need to ask your supervisor if it is ok that not pay it? What kind of ball-less idiot are you?

552

I just posted about Paris Hilton.

551

Paris Hilton is getting less time in jail to be raped by tatted bull dyke lesbians.

550

When you think your office has a little mouse friend who gets into the chocolate sometimes if you leave it out. How cute, a little mouse friend. But then you find out it is a veritable gang of gigantic rats you have been cohabitating with. Giant. Rats.

549

"Mo' money, mo' problems." Sez who?

548

No natural light!!

547

People who loot their own theatre companies.

546

My new vacuum has an attachment for pet hair removal. And a disclaimer for the attachment that notes that it is not meant to actually vacuum pets themselves. Who made that disclaimer neccessary?

545

I never got asked to prom.

544

Both of my friends' shows were just cancelled.

543

Having to self-assess your competency levels on vague skill sets. Can I put n/a on my ability to think clearly?

542

Throwing up in your car in front of several Cal Tech students walking to class.

541

Throwing up in your car.

540

Someone just signed an email to my high-ranking boss with the following:
"Attentively, Axxx Rxxxx" ATTENTIVELY. Now THAT'S kissing ass.

539

Seeing everyone at the store buying flowers and picnic items for Mother's Day. Some of them were very grumpy. Be glad you HAVE your mom to be grumpy about, bitches!

538

I'm so bad at planning that I can't even give notice because I don't know when to stop working.

537

My sister not paying an $85 ticket and now it's $850 and her license is suspended and guess who will have to bail her out if she gets pulled over?

536

I am bruised and cut and unable to eat properly due to yesterday's dental work.

535

TWO HOURS of drilling at the dentist's, only to discover I had YET ANOTHER cavity to fill.

534

My sister making me leave work to come pick her up because her car had been towed when she was at her plastic surgeon because she parked in a no parking zone.

533

I have a thin film of soot all over me, including in my lungs. Nasty.

532

Mystery illness, day 23.

531

My hood is on fire.

530

The fact that no one has contacted me about finding said notebook.

529

I have misplaced my notebook that holds about 60% of my work on the new album. I am going to lose my mind.

528

False idols, financial instability, and a hangover on a bright beautiful Tuesday morning.

527

All my friends have to work stupid jobs to make stupid money to support their true life ambitions and talents.

526

Friends having to go through divorces.

525

Still being sick.

524

Still not knowing what I am sick from.

523

The computer is STILL giving me a headache.

522

That somebody wants me to go to Ellis Island for an opportunity to "interview celebrities!" Celebrities!

521

THIS:
"NEW YORK, May 7, 2007 -- What do the world of hip-hop and
kosher vending have in common? A lot, according to Ruby
Azrak, former Phat Farm executive and partner to hip hop
mogul Russell Simmons, and current producer of House of
Dereon, superstar Beyonce's family brand."

520

I'm paying to audition.

519

My friend's meds aren't working. They never work.

518

The guy selling batteries on the subway said his profession was "God's will." That's mean of God.

517

Sorting out household belongings in a divorce. I'd rather throw it all out in the alley and let the ghetto dogs rent it in with their foaming, rabid jaws of death. Maybe that would shut them up for a minute.

516

Filling out and or picking up divorce paperwork on your lunch hour.

515

When the crying child next door joins in the late night ghetto dog chorus. They're here all week folks. All week, every week.

514

I look tired.

513

Being told, "you look tired" by the first person I see walking into the office. Not only do I want to throttle you right now for being such a colossal douche, but as an added bonus I get to walk around paranoid that everyone I see all day long will also think I look tired.

512

"You look tired." Why has humanity yet to figure out that no one -- NO ONE -- ever wants to be told, "you look tired"?

511

I have time at work to write music but the problem is the walls are inspiration-proof and the lights emit muse-killing rays.

510

Phone calls from people with not so much brains as ear wax.

509

That the girl I'm seeing has to leave for work at 5 am every single day.

508

Sources who tell you things they're not supposed to tell you and then don't call back with a source who can actually tell you that thing so you can write about it.

507

I really MUST get two giant zits on the day I'm doing an agent showcase. Smart thinking, skin!

506

The chorus of barking ghetto dogs in my alley, of which my next door neighbor's two vicious dogs are the ringleaders. These idiot beasts always wake or keep me up at night, and someday I will simply have to poison them, mark my words.

505

A guaranteed headache on the same day every month. I should start marking my calendar.