1,043

And ESPECIALLY the people who think it is artistic.

1,042

Not to mention the people that think it's cute.

1,041

And the people who allow it to happen.

1,040

Babies dressed like flowers.

1,039

Not being able to remember where you parked.

1,038

People who welch on group costumes.

1037

Baby Einstein DVD's

1036

World Chump Stephen Neal

1035

When the 405 gets closed and its stupid drivers end up taking my route home, thereby turning my 35 minute commute into a 75 minute creeping tour of hell.

1,034

The one time you bother to cry for help and no one answers.

1,033

No one at work really understands our costume. Humph.

1,032

Worker's comp: don't ever fill it out unless you want ALL of your medical records released as fair game to the insurance company.

1,031

Oh, my achin' back!

1,030

Tim F LaHaye and Jerry B Jenkins

1,029

God-fearing fucktards who spend their life fear-mongering about living in the end times (no seriously, this time, it's for real) and equate homosexuality with Communisim and Judaism.

1,028

The unhappy gays: What everyone should know about homosexuality by Tim F LaHaye

1,027

Left Behind: The Kids by Tim F LaHaye and Jerry B Jenkins

Shit! The Kids! What dooo we do about all those 8 year olds we left behind when we got raptured?!? And my 4 year old who never accepted Jesus into her heart, who's going to look after her?!? Oh well, fuck it, I'm raptured.

1,026

Left Behind by Tim F LaHaye and Jerry B Jenkins

1,025

Not being able to be "ok."

1,024

Searing, stupid pain.

1,023

Really, seriously injuring my back while putting up Halloween decorations at work.

1,022

Tan hands.

1,021

Going about your day, mediocrely.

1,020

Co-workers who do not knock. Jesus, give me a minute to close some windows. I'm not working here!

1,019

You meet a great guy. But he lives in Spain. But he's coming to visit you. But he brings his girlfriend. But at least you'll get to see him and he's only staying three blocks away. But he got in two days ago and still hasn't called. But it's ok because you're really busy anyway even though you're unemployed -- oh my! it's almost 1:30pm, time to put on pants and/or brush your teeth and/or watch more Price Is Right.

1,018

My aunt asking to be removed from my band's email list.

1,017

My co-worker talking loudly about his daughter "orgasming in her pants."

1,016

Wanting things back the way they were.

1,015

When things change.

1,014

Wishing things would change.

1,013

Getting turned down for a crappy fucking minor program in professional writing, in favor of a bunch of glassy-eyed, ass-licking 19-year-olds who believe that "writing is their passion, and they write because they can't not write, and insert cliche here." Oh, and I already have a job as a professional writer, but no, I was not admitted to the program not because of that, but because other students are "more deserving and received higher scores on the preface describing their passion for writing." Guess who won't be getting acknowledged in any Pulitzer Prize acceptance speeches, cocksuckers.

1,012

Patronizing men who work in leather goods. Don't ask.

1,011

Shabby journalism assuming that Al Quaida is responsible for the Southern California fires. If they are, that's the laziest terrorism I've ever seen.

1,010

I really, seriously do not get arsonists. I mean, I like fire as much as the next person, but wow.

1,009

This place is starting to feel like a scary trap with no way out.

1,008

The air seems worse today than the beginning of the week, if that's even possible.

1,007

Taking off of work and going to the dentist on the wrong day.

1,005

Let me ask you something Hipster Douche-bag. Does that pick-up method EVER work for you?

1,004

Walking across the street in Silver Lake and having some Hipster Douche-bag yell at you:

"You. My bed. Now!"

1,003

"Jokes" from the VP of your department regarding your employment status.

1,002

Telling a co-worker, "I don't internalize. I am dead inside."

1,001

Is there no escape from these taupe colored walls, so similar to mental health institution color palates, and the constant scent of slightly burned bagels in the morning, replaced by microwaved popcorn afternoons...weepy co-workers, over-weight ladies discussing latest diet plans whilst sipping their diet cokes, and the sad-sack husbands, eternally asking for more crotch level attention from exhausted mommy-wives?

1,000

I can't believe it took 9 months to get a 10th of the way through this list.

999

And the black cloud of disappointment constantly radiating in unhealthy, dust-filled waves from the air vent of my prison cell.

998

The air of suck-i-tude permeating from my office mate.

997

The way greed and evil is constantly rewarded over patience and good.

996

That apparently almost all of my friends (save one who may be soon be demoted to the "acquaintances" list) hate, loathe and/or abhor what they are doing M - F, from approximately 8 a.m. to 6 p.m.

995

But screw you, I'm not sorry!

994

Putting husband in a bad position because of my blabbing.

993

I hate that I hate speaking my mind.

992

Embarassed and horrified by the awkwardness and my stomach is in knots.

991

But you know what? You guys are assholes.

990

MAJORLY putting my foot in my mouth.

987

Having to convince yourself to apply for a job that makes you a complete sell-out, AND it's a job you are over-qualified for and STILL not getting a call back.

986

Applying for a job that you are way qualified for and not even getting a call.

985

Yes, it is getting to me.

984

Flighty, bubble-headed, brain-dead no-talents succeeding at something awesome without really even trying.

983

Someone taking themselves and their sad little promotion waaaaaay too seriously.

982

UTTER. BULLSHIT.

981

When a store or restaurant mistakenly charges you twice for something then doesn't have the courtesy to reconcile it immediately. Note, they certainly made sure the charges went through in a timely manner. Give me my money back bitches!

980

The way there are never any healthy snacks around.

979

Bitches!

978

Can't get away from the smell of smoke.

977

Constantly resisting the urge to go on wild spending spree.

976

$50 gift card in lieu of raise.

975

Near run-ins with exes and the slightly unnerving premonition that you were going to do so.

974

Dirty air and apocalyptic sunsets.

973

Not being divorced yet.

972

No lovers.

971

Lousy lovers.

970

Secret lovers.

969

Part time lovers.

968

My boss is going to Hawaii next week for the 5th time this year.

967

Bacne.

966

Blue Diamond no longer seems to sell Maui Onion flavored almonds. Why not- were they poison? Because I ate about 15 cans of them, you know.

965

Having 8 hours to issue addendum number 5 to construction documentation on a project that has already gone through 4 previous painstaking rounds of "value engineering". Do you want a nicer hotel or not? Shit costs money, is all I'm sayin'...

964

Being called "insatiable". I can be sated. For a minute, at least.

963

$550 brake job that takes 5.5 hours out of your precious Sunday afternoon.

962

$550 brake job.

961

NOT having other human beings to deal with if you need them.

960

Ditto, those who think waving little American Flags somehow makes them more patriotic.

959

People who think that sporting a "Support the Troops" Yellow Magnetic Ribbon on their gas-guzzling monstrous vehicle somehow how cancels the atrociousness of the hypocrisy they are displaying.

958

Both the frailty and the fury of nature when stretched beyond it's capacity.

957

I'm a grumpy bastard.

956

Having to deal with other human beings.

955

Stripper Pumpkins.

954

Being forever split in two.

953

As part of my current career, having to listen to people spout industry buzzwords such as "entity framework," "forward thinking," and "integrated experience" all day long...every day.

952

It's going to be 100 degrees tomorrow.

951

We are literally surrounded by fire in every direction.

950

And it looks like another day of headache!

949

Not knowing what to say and just stammering, "I'm sorry" and making it worse because the miles that divide us are just too wide.

948

Sucking at something that you care so much about and means so much to you. And just sucking at it.

947

Missing the funeral.

946

A very intense flash bulb going off directly in my eye and now I can't see the computer screen at work this morning, 12 hours later.

945

Never-ending headache ruining whole weekend and making my brain completely useless and uncreative and I think I'm going to just whine until it goes away because I can't seem to make anything else work.

944

Coming back.

943

Knowing there's nothing I can do to fix it.

942

People who make other peoples' tragedies all about them.

942

Onions that had been soaking in cold, congealed meat fat.

941

Being asked if I mind eating left over onions wrapped in a cold corn tortilla.

940

That the only thing I had to look forward to today was an obligatory "lunch provided" by management, only to discover my vulturous co-workers (who are NOT vegetarians mind you) had eaten all the vegetarian food before I could get in to the kitchen.

939

Having to drink said coffee in the vain hope that it will get rid of throbbing headache and smooshy, fogging thinking.

938

Coffee that tastes like melted tires with a sprinkling of hairy road kill.

937

Fundraising for a living. Fuck this.

935

The worst possible week at work being extended by one day.

934

Having a dream that Creepy Guy That I Work With was trying to kill me.

933

Recurring nightmares of teeth falling out, cracking, and rotting.

932

On top of the regular maintenance headaches, the guaranteed blinding debilitating headache that comes every 28 days. Fantastic!

931

Being blamed for things going wrong that are completely out of one's control.

930

Not being able to spend much time with friends coming in from out of town because of having to work stupid amounts.

929

Working 60 hours in one week.

928

Being forced into an awkward situation.

927

Continually making poor choices about food.

926

Have you ever heard this, "No way! Your penis is really tiny!"?
Didn't you feel like a loser?
Don't let girls prefer dildo to you ! Megadik will make you a real man ! You should simply rely on this magic preparation!
"Oh! Your penis is so large!" Isn't that what you just love to hear?
Soon you'll be the only one ladies will desire ! Megadik is your real cure!

925

Discovering C.G.T.I.W.W.'s bookmarked Web site "Age Match.com - The best dating site for matching up older men and younger women."

(Double Shudder)

924

Dissatisfaction. This blows.

923

LA Live "Nokia Theatre" - $125 for concert tickets, not including fees? What the hell do you think I am? Magic? The performer had better be spouting GOLD into the audience for that price.

922

Only 160 kbps, Radiohead? Really? With no liner notes or anything?

...*sigh*...I love you anyway.

921

WTF, C.G.T.I.W.W.??

920

Said C.C.T.I.W.W.: So....do you live far away from here? (Shudder)

919

Said C.G.T.I.W.W: I don't have anything to do except go home and sit there, so I think I'll just hang around.

918

Especially when Creepy Guy That I Work With, is also working.

917

Working from 8 am to 10 pm.

916

Still dealing with a ridiculous skin breakout that started a month ago in Philadelphia. DAMN you, Philadelphia! Damn you.

915

Having to "bring it" at 9 am.

914

Frozen bullshit.

913

The way that 11 am to 5 pm goes by at light speed on a Saturday or Sunday, and slow as frozen bullshit Monday - Friday.

912

Even with all that, still no sympathy. "I need a ride!!!"

911

Husband out of nowhere coming down with horrible food poisoning just seconds before car dies.

910

"It's just such a pain in the ass to park at the airport! I'd rather you drive me!"

909

Dead car battery right before leaving to take totally unsympathetic sister to airport.

908

Having to work while you have out of town guests.

907

Poopy smelling bathrooms, covered up with a horrid "citrus" smelling aerosol air freshener. (Where citrus, somehow, manages to only heighten the poop smelling attributes.)

906

Poopy smelling bathrooms.

905

Creepy guy that I work with smokes Ultra-Light, Menthol Virginia Slims. Not really sure why this pisses me off, but it does. Fucking weirdo.

904

Lying awake in a cold sweat until 2:30 AM contemplating the very idea of being and how could the universe possibly exist in eternity.

903

I'm pretty sure my coworker was masturbating in the bathroom stall next to me today.

902

Despite that fact that she is, at least, a Democrat - isn't there anyone else out there just even SLIGHTLY miffed that for the last TWENTY YEARS either a Bush or Clinton has been president??? Can we mix this shit up a bit? Hello???

901

And I suspect the whole thing was a set up from the beginning.

900

Getting bullshit sprung on you at the last minute by boss. Followed by a "hey, hope you don't mind."

899

The new scanner at work makes my computer freeze if I am running any other %$%^#$ program.

898

Passive-aggression.

897

Having to be the bad cop at work for my oft absent boss.

896

Midas didn't do my brakes right.

895

Nightmares about falling from a tower all night.

894

Nightmares about zombies all night.

893

When friends drink themselves to death.

892

Not being properly pissed in months.

891

Owners of a certain model pick-up truck, who feel the need to scratch off certain lettering to create other words, such as "Toy," "Yo," and "Yota"

890

Make that $5.10 in the checking account - to last for the next two days. Holy shit, I suck.

889

My Dad yet again relentlessly sending me newspaper clippings from The Big Raging Movie Industry In New Mexico.

888

BLOGGER ARCHIVES, ETERNALLY BROKEN!! Ahhhhhhh!!! Somebody shoot me.

887

Carrot Top, period.

886

Carrot Top's inexplicably buff, disturbingly deformed arms.

885

$17.80 in your checking account to last for the next 4 days.

884

Oh yeah, rejection. That sucks too.

883

Having a love/hate relationship with your life's calling.

882

Apathy.

881

Anxiety, general.

880

Denial.

879

I feel like I was just here.

878

That anyone ever led me to believe that acne stops once you reach adulthood. Mine didn't even START until adulthood.

877

I am in the middle of a massive zit breakout that is so embarassing, I feel like I'm in high school, afraid of leaving the house.