1,748

I love my apartment. I don't want to go. Can't stay alone. Won't do a craigslist stranger. 5 years - best relationship I've ever been in - coming to an end. The pain. The pain.

1,747

Get a call on my cell from my roommate while I'm in California for a week on vacation. Goes a little something like this...

me: hey what's going on?
rm: have a minute to talk?
me: well i'm driving back from tahoe in a car full of people.
rm: i wanted to talk to you about this in person... i'm moving out.
me: oh.
rm: early.
me: oh.
rm: and i know i'm not on the lease but i figured i'd stay through it if you want me to.
me (internally): NO SHIT YOU'LL STAY IF I WANT YOU TO. WHAT KIND OF FRIEND WOULDN'T? YOU WERE MY FRIEND FIRST - THAT'S PRETTY MUCH STANDARD PRACTICE. AND WHAT PART OF "CAR FULL OF PEOPLE" MADE YOU THINK THIS WAS A GOOD TIME? AND GIVEN THAT OUR LEASE ISN'T UP FOR, OH, FIVE MONTHS, COULD THIS REALLY NOT HAVE FUCKING WAITED TIL I GOT FUCKING HOME IN FOUR FUCKING DAYS?
me (aloud): let's talk about this when I get home.

1,746

New kitchen: the refrigerator reeks like rotting flesh, the oven smells like burning chemicals, and the dishwasher just flooded the kitchen floor.  I can't cook or make or buy or prepare or retrieve food.

1,745

Being back at work.  Bah!

1,744

My dad STILL uses AOL and its software and thinks that is the internet.

1,743

When telling a family member on my side we are having a boy, their response: "There are too many boys already!  We need girls!" 

THANKS, LIKE I DID THIS ON PURPOSE.

1,742

When calling to tell my mother-in-law that we are having a boy, her response (in a flat, disappointed tone) : "Oh."  (very long silence)  "I always pictured you having a girl." And then almost no more discussion on it.

THANKS, LADY.  THANKS A FUCKING LOT.