Monday, April 30, 2007
503
Knowing my friend is so sick and just wanting to give her a million dollars so she can just stay home and take a few months off for chrissakes.
502
I'm doing an acting scene with a guy who makes me INSANE so much I want to throttle him, but for some reason we act really well together. But I'd like to throttle him. Perhaps the secret to good chemistry on stage is the power of hate.
498
Fuckin' Britney Spears. First my wig, then my hat. Shouldn't she have overdosed and died already?
496
People who, even though they want to merge into your lane and there is no one behind you refuse to slow down, forcing you to slam on your brakes, even though your poor old car is struggling to get up to passing speed, to get over behind them, and then they get over to where you just were, and then they don't even have the courtesy to acknowledge your flipped finger.
495
Suffering through hours of work with pounding headache, trash can at the ready to become puke receptacle, because you are out of sick time.
492
Being told by the Albertson's manager that the self checkout stand just "takes some getting used to". Yeah, so does self-flagellation, but I wouldn't plan on doing that twice either.
491
Self-checkout stands. The technology does not work, people. Do you want me to remove the item from the bagging area, put it back in the bagging area, perform a tap dance on the bagging area or what the hell? If someone has to come help me every three items and the transaction takes 3 times longer than normal, how is this helping anyone? Get rid of the damn things. Blow them up in the desert. Heck, I'll personally round them up and do it for you.
Sunday, April 29, 2007
489
The fact that I might not be able to go on the ONE vacation I am taking this whole year, because I am still sick.
Friday, April 27, 2007
Thursday, April 26, 2007
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
478
Rereading an email I've written and realizing I made a stupid mistake. Not the kind that is clearly a typo (eg "whatt ime?"), but the kind that makes me look like I can't spell.
473
Upon walking up to the entrance of an Albuquerque mall, seeing two delinquent high school boys puking in unison into the bushes.
468
People who imply that their antiwar opponents are cowards when they themselves were deferred from the Viet Nam draft five times.
Monday, April 23, 2007
463
Laying there for an hour worrying about everyone you've been in contact with the for last 6 days also having meningitis.
459
Kenneth Cole peep toes at DSW: $80 (the only shoes in the store NOT on sale)
Heel pads, toe cushions, bandaids on the way to work this morning: $16
Knowing you shouldn't have worn these things in the first place: typical
Heel pads, toe cushions, bandaids on the way to work this morning: $16
Knowing you shouldn't have worn these things in the first place: typical
Saturday, April 21, 2007
Friday, April 20, 2007
456
That Anna Nicole's sister had the idea for "Train Wreck: The Life and Death of Anna Nicole Smith," on audio book before I did.
454
Adults who have adopted the tastes of their seven year old children and who speak loudly while recounting scenes from the movie "Elf" in public places.
451
People not just accepting that severe mental illness causes crazy wacked-out shit to happen. There IS no further meaning behind it.
450
Media constantly calling the crazy wacked-out gunman Korean when he was a full-on American citizen.
Thursday, April 19, 2007
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
447
PR people who won't let it go. How many ways can I say "no" and why can't I find the strength within me to get rid of you?
446
Being told that my very quiet music, played on a tinny computer speaker, in a room several lengths from everyone else, is too loud and is disrupting phone calls.
445
Being told to ask the person who did that project last year for help and then having every single person you approach deny having done it. Oh, I guess it must have been Elijah. Or maybe it was a ghost. Do I have to hold a freaking seance to get some goddam information around here?
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
444
Waiting for your luggage for 40 minutes only to discover your bag beat you to town and has been sitting in a random pile the entire time while you watch the carosel spin and wonder whatever might have become of your bag full of precious fluids and trinkets.
439
Having to get up for a 6 AM meeting in Boston, which is 3 AM to me. Yeah, rarin' to go, kids. Rarin' to go.
437
Standing in line at American Airlines for 40 minutes, just to be told I need to take my bag to TSA my self, thereby standing in another 40 minute line, followed by another 40 minute security line, then having to sprint to get on my stupid overcrowded flight and then being charged money to buy a tiny sandwich or even a freakin' bag of chips on a six hour flight.
436
Boston to LA. American Airlines. Guy using air sickness bags 2 seats away for 3 solid hours. I didn't even know people actually used those. The smell was just an extra bonus. At least I got free wine.
433
I can't just accept my hair for whatever state it's in. I have to constantly be fantasizing about the better cut and color. "If only my hair did this or that," I think, "everything would be fine." Bullocks.
Monday, April 16, 2007
430
Being asked to work next Sunday on Monday morning, effectively ruining the whole week, and fucking up the entire coming weekend.
429
Politicians consistently using the stock phrase "shocked and saddened" in response to any tragic event.
428
Co-workers who do not respect your deadlines, but expect you to bend over and take it in the ass for theirs.
Sunday, April 15, 2007
426
So I'm on a plane just before take-off and nearby, a girl is crying because she's sick and isn't sitting near her mother, who is sitting next to me, in the middle seat. I can't abide a young girl's tears, so I offer to give up my window seat so the girl can sit by her mother. I go to make the trade. The flight attendant stops me and threatens to kick me off of the plane because, by standing in the aisle, I am obstructing the view of the safety video that nobody is watching. Of course, by arguing with me in the middle of the aisle, the flight attendant makes a 30 second seat switch last through the length of the entire video.
Here's the kicker...
He demands that they show the video AGAIN because of my interference.
And, he didn't let us trade seats.
Here's the kicker...
He demands that they show the video AGAIN because of my interference.
And, he didn't let us trade seats.
Saturday, April 14, 2007
425
People trying so hard to look like hipsters who are not trying hard, with a perfected air of boredom, at hipster gallery opening
Friday, April 13, 2007
Thursday, April 12, 2007
418
Knowing something bad is going to come, being lured into believing it might not, enjoying a feeling of victory over it, then being hit in the face with it after all.
415
Neighbors. Specifically, the one who walked by my porch this morning as I was trying to suck down a little soul-resuscitating nicotine before leaving for work, and made some snarky comment about how I'm up early today, aren't I. Yes, I am still sitting on the porch smoking in the midafternoon pretty often - but I'm usually at work at 8:30. He never sees me because he's not up that early! Asshole.
414
People who care about things it doesn't seem possible that anyone could care about, like whose responsibility, nay, prerogative, it is to open an email inbox with requests for pricing updates. Is this your job? Are you attached to it? No problem, even though the pricing updates will have to come from me to you first anyway. Fine, won't open it. Wait, you have more to say? I don't care. Open it. Don't open it. Light it on fire. Whatever. Ah, you wish to continue this discussion by telling me why it's your sacred duty, and not mine. Okay. But I don't care, really, really. So your worth as an employee and as a person hinges on this Outlook box? Great, I WON'T OPEN IT. I will just wait for you to come over to my desk so that we can discuss it further, on every succeeding day. Awesome!
413
Thursday: cold and raining
Friday: cold and raining
Saturday: cold and raining
Sunday: cold and raining
Monday: cold and raining
Tuesday: cold and raining
April showers my foot.
Friday: cold and raining
Saturday: cold and raining
Sunday: cold and raining
Monday: cold and raining
Tuesday: cold and raining
April showers my foot.
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
408
People who prelude their incredulous anger and opinions with the phrase "I'm sorry, but..." as in "I'm sorry, but people who prelude comments with 'I'm sorry, but...' really piss me off."
They piss me off, and I am not sorry to say so.
They piss me off, and I am not sorry to say so.
407
Realizing that you're someone who gets pissed off about printing issues and wondering how and when you became this person.
406
Realizing you have to reprint a dozen files because they all got cut off on one side -- and knowing this was probably 100% avoidable if you'd been paying attention the first time.
405
People who do not realize, that when they are sharing my office, must not talk to themselves, loudly laugh at nothing, or otherwise make jarring exclamations breaking my concentration of ignoring them, and then ask if they are bothering me.
402
Having a friend at work with whom you have been commiserating and plotting your escape quit before you do.
400
The annoying habits of cubicle neighbors. At this particular moment: Dave taking a binder clip and clipping it onto that metal part of a pen cap so that it slides off and he has do to it again. It's like he's helping fucking Vishu clip all 20 of his fingernails.
398
Senile people on the road. Driving 15 mph is more dangerous than speeding, old timer. It's time to retire the license. You are endangering more than yourself, not to mention freakin' enraging me.
Monday, April 9, 2007
Sunday, April 8, 2007
Friday, April 6, 2007
Thursday, April 5, 2007
376
Staff meetings that should last no more than 30 minutes, but end up closer to 90 because of one overly talkative, self-important, disorganized, basket-case of a freakshow co-worker.
375
Becoming the default IT person to co-workers who can't tell that their printers are not working because they are not plugged in.
374
Trying to send an email and getting: "To help us fight spam, please enter the character string as it is shown in the box below."
373
Co-workers who send lengthy criticism by email on one of your recent projects, and then close with "Just my two cents." Yeah, that's about what your "advice" is worth to me, bitch.
372
Traffic so bad, in so many ways, day after day after day, that you find it is taking your soul away.
371
People who, when answering their phone, give way too many chances to the heavy-breathers with their "Hellos."
"Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello?....Hello? Hello?" etc.
You get 2 "Hellos," and that's it.
"Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello?....Hello? Hello?" etc.
You get 2 "Hellos," and that's it.
Wednesday, April 4, 2007
369
The phrase "hit the ground running," especially when used as some kind of minor threat or guilt trip, as in, "When you come back from your day off/vacation, we are going to have to hit the ground running."
367
When conversations, situations, processes of any kind, and basically anything other than food are referred to as "organic."
365
Seeing John Kerry in person and not being able to tell him that if he would have grown a backbone we would have gotten rid of Bush 2 and 1/2 years ago.
364
After getting cut off by truck with pro-Bush/Cheney sticker arriving at work to discover John Kerry sitting in the lobby of your place of business.
Tuesday, April 3, 2007
361
IT techs with the inability to relate to any living organism in a manner which does not come off as inherently creepy at best, or downright menacing at worst, so much so that one worries said IT tech may in fact be, on one unexpected dark and foggy night, stretched out in the back seat of one’s car under a blanket, rusty hook in hand.
360
IT techs that lack the basic social skills required to string 2 words together in any sort of helpful manner.
355
Refusing to make plans because you have to go to the gym or do laundry. At least pretend you have a legitimate excuse. Fine, you know what? I'd rather sort through my dirty skivvies than hang out with you, too.
354
Management. Wherever you are, whatever your doing, if your in any position of management, your pissing me off.
353
That I'm apparently indifferent to human suffering if it doesn't directly affect me... are you homeless, seeking charitable donation, otherwise in need? Feh! I've got leftovers to eat and Tivo to love.
Monday, April 2, 2007
Sunday, April 1, 2007
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