339

"You can't NOT do anything for your birthday!"

338

That ad with the cartoon bears using toilet paper, with the little pastel butterflies and flowers flying off the stinking soiled roll. Does anyone else find this unutterably distasteful?

337

All the goddamn nights that Star Wars: The Phantom Foot up George Lucas' Ass is the only thing on HBO.

336

Only being able to afford cheap wine, even on nights when there's good movies on HBO.

335

Fucking zombie movies that are based on diseases. Come on, man, that's an outbreak movie, not a zombie flick. Slow, ravenous undead! How hard is it?

334

People who think zombies are boring.

333

Fluorescent lighting

332

People who regularly shirk responsibilty (and the fact that I grudgingly pick up the slack).

331

God damn ABC

330

Ummm.....yeah.

329

A lack of "Whillikers!"

328

Conversations starting with, "Turn off your engine and step outside of the vehicle please, Miss."

327

Conversations starting with, "You were probably too drunk to remember this, but..."

326

Conversations starting with, "OK, here's the bad news..."

325

Tree Trimming. On the 110. During morning rush hour in Los Angeles. Are you people out of your minds???

324

Doctors, nurses and security guards who don't seem to grasp why being in the ER for 12 hours might piss you off.

323

12 hours in the ER.

322

Unity08. I don't want a bipartisan ticket in 2008. The middleground between a Republican and a Democrat will suck as badly as what we have now.

321

Communitarians. Seriously, stop. Your time has passed.

320

The fact that no one in the entire world seems able to put together a grammatical sentence without at least one egregious spelling error. Things like "thing", or "cable". I'm not asking anyone to spell supercalifragilisticexpialadocious here, you know?

319

Being at a company-wide expense report training class, and all references to the bosses are as "Him," and all references to the assistants are as "her."

318

Being stuck behind someone driving 15 MPH in a 35, right next to someone driving 20 MPH. When late for work.

317

It's 8 am and the doorbell rings. Who could it be? Tromp down the stairs. It's two women who want me to know that the anniversary of Jesus' death is coming up! Seriously, if you really love Jesus, this is a very good way to meet him quickly.

316

The Society for Barefoot Living. Creepy.

315

People who, when they've just barely missed the subway, kick the doors after they close. That'll show the train!

314

Pop-up blockers that bring up a new window to tell me that they blocked a pop-up ad.

313

ringtones.

312

The exhaustion of constant and unabating ire.

311

The use of quotation marks to emphasize lame puns.

310

People who smugly use "I" instead of "me" to sound smarter.

309

The inverse relationship between IQ and conversational decibel level.

308

Finding you are too tired to care about the most appalling things.

307

Temp jobs where the person asks for my resume. WTF, I'm a temp. Who the hell cares?

306

People who drop amazingly noxious farts into my home with no apology and then defensively say, "I'm detoxing!"

305

People who complain about it being slightly drizzly in Southern California. It's the driest year on record since 1924. Shut the hell up and appreciate the damn moisture. You live in a desert.

304

"I'll text you"

303

"Text me"

302

Being told how to do my fucking job. (Especially when I know I'm not doing it properly.)

301

People who say, "Vitamin water doesn't work." What do they think that I think it's supposed to do? Make me fly? It's water with vitamins in it. How can it "not work?"

300

That it took a month and a half to get to 300.

299

Anyone who uses LOL in spoken form. While laughing.

298

Anyone who uses LOL in written form.

297

LOL

296

Kinko's. Has anything good ever happened, to anyone, in there, ever?

295

Anyone who says "TGIF" on Friday.

294

Fasting for religious holidays not because your religious but because you have stomach flu.

293

"Jokes" about Mondays.

292

Co-workers who send all-staff email invitations to their children's school events.

291

When drunk things happen to good people.

290

Smilies in professional emails.

289

People who send emails marked "high priority!" Get over yourself!

288

Failing to meet self imposed deadlines time and time again. I really suck.

287

Monday morning, 7:34 am.

286

People who steal newspapers.

285

Movies that explore the dynamics between distant fathers and genius sons. I will gouge my eyes out with spoons.

284

Not remembering one's dreams.

283

Being wrong about someone.

282

When love turns to hatred.

281

People who can't commit to anything.

280

Eczema.

279

Being blackmailed.

278

Being locked out of your own garage.

277

Being accused of something you didn't do.

276

I have a 9 AM dentist appointment. That ain't right.

275

Defamer won't let you comment unless you're a contributor, and I have so many hilariously snarky things to say! Eh, who am I kidding.

274

The carpet and tiling in our apartment is downright nasty, and the landlord won't do anything about it until we move out.

273

Headaches that last all day long. Stupid, stupid tequila, scotch, amaretto and beer. Why can't you all just get along?

272

That thing the dentist uses to scrape your teeth clean. Brrr

271

People who, when they're upset, say that they're going to kill themselves and then expect you to take them seriously.

270

solipsism and malaise

269

People who eat large quantities of smelly food while on public transportation, especially during rush hour.

268

Her babies daddy.

267

Any one who uses the phrase "My baby daddy".

266

The phrase "My baby daddy".

265

When your conversation gets hijacked by someone wanting to discuss the glory of their Direct TV/TIVO/DVR

264

Discussions about Direct TV/TIVO/DVR

263

People who can find no common ground with others beyond the TV shows they watch

262

Intelligent Design

261

The “expert” on “everything”

260

The “Hollywood” guy

259

The one “hold-out” juror. Lady, you know you are gonna cave eventually. Do you not have a life to get back to?

258

Over-used movie quotes and bad celebrity impersonations, including, but not limited to, Team America, Anchorman, Napoleon Dynamite, Old School, and anything by Will Ferrell or Sasha Baron Cohen.

257

Reprise of 251 - especially when I'm trying to read 10,0001 things to be pissed about, and then I'm pissed because I can't. It's a vicious cycle.

256

The fact that even though I leave for work earlier every day, the girl who makes my coffee gets slower and makes me late anyway. Soon she'll have to consciously try to do it in slow motion, and I'll be getting up the day before to get my coffee the following morning.

255

Reasonable doubt. That little fucker is guilty of something.

254

The police raiding your mama Camry.

253

The police raiding your mama house.

252

#248 - Ditto the elevator button.

251

Having my computer monitor face everyone in the room.

250

Having to ever wear pantyhose.

249

A run in one's pantyhose.

248

Those who repeatedly push the crosswalk button while waiting for the light to change. What exactly do you think you are doing? Attempting to "trick" the light signal into thinking there are 1,000 people waiting for the light to change? Got some news for you - that is not how traffic signals work. Maybe you are expressing your outrage to the public at large about being made to wait. Here's an idea. Go for it. Cross the street anyway. Put us out of our misery.

247

Real life jurors discussing the merits of John Grisham's books, in particular, The Runaway Jury.

246

People who complain about other people being upset when their pets die. Jesus. Have a heart.

245

Stupid people seem to be breeding at an alarming rate.

244

Student protester. Moral indignation is not a substitute for substance and intelligence.

243

Phil Spector

242

The very fact that I must keep a list.

241

"Surprise" revelations in boring jury trial quickly revealed to be lies.

240

People who, when faced with the choice of sitting anywhere in an almost completely empty room, sit down RIGHT next to you.

239

Argumentative defense attorneys

238

The embarrassment generated by the fact that my stupid petty gripes pale in comparison to other, more important ones listed below.

237

I drive all the way to friggin UCLA on a Sunday for an audition for a STUDENT FILM which is NO PAY and they're late and annoyed that I am not interested in taking two weeks off of work to play a bridesmaid.

236

My face in the last two weeks has been an oil slick. I feel like I'm hitting puberty again, I'm so greasy and pimply. WTF??

235

Lies.

234

LA County Criminal Courthouse bathrooms. If you are going to put me on jury, and inconvenience me for over a week in every possible way, can you please, PLEASE, at least stock the skanky bathrooms with toliet paper? Jesus.

233

Not being able to give your friend a tight, squishy booby hug on their birthday :)

232

Sentimental acting manifestos

231

Not being able to drink scotch with your friend on their birthday.

230

Silly-Ass Mimes

229

South American Mercenaries

228

That I just used up spot 227 without making a reference to Jackee.

227

Ewoks

226

People who are mean to nice little ladies paid less than minimum wage to clean out their disgusting, funky-ass, finger and toe nails.

225

The overly talkative in cold, marble, echo-y hallways

224

People who complain loudly in public about the high cost of EVERYTHING, and then offer the alternative pricing of similar Costco items.

223

Surface to Air Missiles.

222

Disappointment.

221

Having to remove loser contributors from the 10,001 Things To Be Pissed About site.

220

The fact that #213 even has to be on this list.

219

Narcissus, the Greek hero after whom narcissism is named, became obsessed with his own reflection.

218

Social experimentations gone awry

217

"HIM"

216

Audible gasps at predictable statements

215

20 year old girls getting stabbed by their baby-daddies.

214

Courtroom Dramas. In real life.

213

Adultery.

212

That the most annoying person in the room will inevitably end up standing in line behind, or sitting next to me.

211

Ranchero music

210

People who clip their finger nails in public places. People, please. What is the matter with you?

209

Ice cold courthouse benches.

208

Reporting for jury duty at 7:45 am on a Monday.

207

Our studio just made record-breaking profits YET AGAIN this weekend on a film, but they still can't reach into their deep deep pockets to give my husband his frickin job back.

206

Daylight savings bullshit. I'm frickin tired.

205

The neighbor above us who blasts Mexican smooth jazz vocalists and Dictator Television at all hours of the night.

204

The very bright light in the alley that shines directly into our bedroom like a neon sign, and no matter how I break it or disable it, some mysterious evil presence fixes it in a matter of minutes.

203

Having murderous feelings about dogs.

202

Neighbor's apartment directly across from us: abandoned small dog who has been barking every two seconds all night long for several nights. Bark. Bark. Bark. Bark. Bark. Bark.

201

People who talk at the movies.

200

Home. Depot.

199

Trying to use the "Self Checkout" at Home Depot.

198

Searching for a shopping cart for 20 minutes at Home Depot.

197

Bad Ass Boyz Like Bad Ass Toyz

196

Stick figure decals on the back window of automobiles, usually named, in descending height order as "Dad," "Mom," "Hector," "Julie," and "Spot," almost exclusively on gigantic, gas guzzling, SUV- type, urban assault vehicles, so that one's eye-line is forced to stare directly into the heart of darkness that is someone else's misplaced familial pride.

195

Someone close to you making an "organic" line of makeup with no organics in the ingredients because "it's not regulated!"

194

Norbit

193

Is it really just impossible to make a chair that is comfortable for sitting in whilst doing a horrible desk job all day long?

192

"Artists"

191

The Los Angeles independent construction contractor who claims to be "roofing with biblical integrity" while, ironically, driving with the integrity of an asshole on Figueroa Boulevard this morning.

190

The Bush Twins

189

The expanding Brangelina Family Franchise

188

Grow the company

187

"The Others"

186

Lost

185

Neck wrinkles. Nobody told me to moisturize that shit.

184

Getting lost on the way to work and somehow going in an almost complete circle. How did that even happen? Twice?

183

Disgruntled coworkers who poison the workplace. I thought I was the only one allowed to do that.

182

The term "it is what it is". Don't you fucking tell me what it is.

181

When your job sucks so much that it spills into several blogs precisely because it consists of nothing but interaction with marketing executives.

180

Reading too much into what people say or don't say.

179

Men saying that women "read too much" into what they say or don't say. Maybe if you said your shit flat out then we wouldn't need to get all intuitive on you.

178

Being angry with someone you respect.

177

Hating your work so much that the vitriol isn't enough for one blog. Instead it spills out over several blogs.

176

Marketing CEOs

175

The political "machine."

174

When someone comes into your office and comments on your lack of company appropriate "art work," to which you reply that you would buy something to put up, but because your job exists on a plane of your consciousness so separate from the rest of your real life that when you leave the building you practically forget where you work, and it is therefore virtually impossible to remember that your walls are blank and that you should buy something to put up on the wall, and they look at you like you are a bad employee and say, "Must be nice to not have to take your work home with you," to which you reply, "Yes, Yes it is."

173

Realizing that creepy guy that you work with has gone from being subconsciously creepy to consciously creepy, and is now creepy and annoying enough to comment about on blog. There is no going back, creepy guy that I work with. You are now permanently "creepy guy that I work with" and will always be.

172

Creepy guy that you work with commenting on your path to/from the bathroom, and offering alternate routes. WTF creepy guy that I work with?

171

Always running into the creepy guy that you work with when on the way to/from the bathroom.

170

Latex allergy.

169

The silent treatment.

168

"The 'wow' factor."

167

I. Lewis "Scooter" Libby.
The name, the lies, the man, the leg cast.
Be pissed about all of it.

166

Screaming babykid keeping me awake all night. The parents don't seem to understand the concept of closing their windows. Damn you, babykid.

165

Injuries caused by playing video games.

164

Jesús es Dios
Leo la biblia
And all who profess their belief in a deity on the bumper or back window of their car

163

Being so ANGRY all of the time.

162

Getting email from: WestgatetheovShekhar@xyinmuefulivowxqbfysrvpu.com

161

The government wants to see you naked.

160

The healthcare "system".

159

Housing prices.

158

Paying rent.

157

landlords

156

Customer Service - Holy shit! When did it become impossible to get any kind of decent customer service, even when you are paying good money for the privilege? Reading a script does not constitute customer service. A voicemail system can do that.

155

$700 Brake Job.

154

The LA Marathon. As if traffic isn't bad enough.

153

Broken fingernails.

152

Paying for packing materials, then throwing them out and paying for them again the next time.

151

Bad wiring.

150

Overflowing toilets.

149

Pinching one's finger in the ladder hinge.

148

Dirty Garages.

147

Moving Day.

146

I'm still at work.

145

No smoking on the BEACH? Kiss my ass, Santa Monica Nazis!

144

The Pledge of Allegiance

143

Geraldo

142

Shows about midget lifestyles.

141

"Friends" from the past who find you on Myspace and want to know all about you now although you never really liked each other to begin with.

140

Yuppies in the grocery store deli line who take 20 minutes to decide what to have on their sandwich. I will crush you, Yuppie!

139

Melissa and Joan Rivers. Why both? Why either?

138

Mel Gibson

137

Lost keys and the inevitable price raping by a locksmith that follows.

136

Mercury in Retrograde.

135

Dust Bunnies

134

This week. It's sucking hard.

133

Mismatched socks when trying to fold laundry

132

Framed photos of celebrities in the jury assembly room of the Los Angeles County courthouses.

131

Fucking United Airlines

130

A $50 voucher from United Airlines to cover what was stolen out of your bag, which doesn't even come close to covering what was actually stolen, but that you were shocked and grateful to receive, until you realized that it expired by the time you tried to use it.

129

United Airlines stealing shit out of your bag

128

Gigantic-ass trucks driving behind you with their brights on

127

Los Angeles parking restriction signs. These babies might as well be in a foreign language.

126

spam