1,815

Living in a different city than all of my best friends.

1,814

The Axe Detailer and advertisements thereof.

1,813

People who leave ginormous christmas displays on ALL NIGHT LONG. There's no way you can spin that to be a good thing. I dare you.

1,812

Not enough accolades? You know what? No.

1,811

No Columbus Day off? Even though I'm a guido?

1,810

Bedbug infestations. Really?

1,809

People who use the phrase "inartful" to describe things they wish they hadn't said. Weasel word! Weasel word!

1,808

Just write me back. I don't care if you're rejecting me, just write fucking back. God. Just hit fucking reply. FUCK.

1,807

Having to drive through the intersection of Oxford and 5th in Koreatown twice a day, every day. It is where the column of idiocy and the row of danger intersect in an Excel spreadsheet called "The World's Biggest Fucking Horrorshow Ever".

1,806

The cold terror of a vague impending financial doom.

1,805

Having the world's stupidest receptionist and having been the one to hire her in the first place.

1,804

Getting called back, but not cast. Fuck you, I'm as good as it gets.

1,803

Being too confounded by the horror of it all to post the things that piss you off. For months.

1,802

Bizarre emails from my dad about all the "widows" he's trying and failing to date.

1,801

Being sleep-deprived is just a whole level of suck that I am not good at handling.

1,800

And just to change the subject...dead pets. That sucks a whole fucking hell of a lot.

1,799

Who am I kidding? Any workplace at quarter-end recap presentation time.

1,798

And yet, more jokes about stock prices.

1,797

People who clap at simple Powerpoint animation effects.

1,796

Follow-up questions.

1,795

Forced gutteral laughs at very unfunny workplace appropriate jokes.

1,794

And you, with your bleached teeth and "semi-retired, half-diplomat" parents.

1,793

You and your hoighty toighty watch, waving it all about in the air, at question time.

1,792

Being compensated with beach towels.

1,791

What exactly do you mean "stock" anyway?

1,790

Oh wait....we were already broke.

1.789

The stock is falling! My word!

1.788

Does anybody live here anymore?

1,787

Snatchery.

1.786

Twitter slave. Becoming one. Does it really do anything?

1,785

If you need to say, "Let's think outside the box," you're probably not aware of how far in the box you live and I'm not so sure you're able to truly accomplish your goal.

1,784

Condescending friends. Especially coming from one about to fall on his face. Hard.

1,783

No new page edits from A. Tulip in like forever. Seriously, where's the evolution?

1,782

People who use the phrase "non-fiction novel." If it's a novel, it's fiction.

1,781

People who criticize the Greek protesters for expecting to be able to retire with pensions when they're in their 60s.

1,780

Hi, I'm a 30 year old religious fanatic who has to act out so that the civil liberties of innocent people will be violated forever. Also, I'm an incompetent bomb builder. The red wire goes where?

1.779

Target Stabber. What up the Pseudo-Goth-Glamour-Shots-Gone-Awry Mug Shots???

1,778

PHANTOM 2, the sequel.  UNBELIEVABLE.

1,777

Rachael Ray.

1,776

Seriously. Fuck YOU world. You blow all over the place.

1,775

Dad has prostate cancer. Fuck you, world.

1,774

...Watching it practically in slow motion because it was totally my own damn, lazy fault: Even worse.

1,773

Coffee+Laptop+Floor=WAH

1,772

Hey rightwingers, the next time you associate a member of the current administration with a member of Hitler's regime I'm going to staple the Military Commissions Act and the Patriot Act (both of which YOU'RE favorite asshole president signed into law) to your ass and make you read them. I'm sick of you thinking that helping prevent your fellow humans from dying is a bad thing you christian fuck.

1,771

I am sick of family bullshit.  All of it.  Zero tolerance policy from now on.

1,770

Owners/bosses: "We know you've been working nights and weekends for over a year with no break but just make it to the end of December and things will get back to normal. We promise."

First week back from Christmas break (first vacation in almost two years)...

Owners/bosses: "We really need to get some extra features before the end of the quarter, there's only three of you, and since we just released a major product you will have to support new installs too."

Back to working nights and weekends. Fuck. Off.

1,769

"give me back that filet o fish. give me that fish."

1,768

the 5 dollar foot long jingle

1,767

Overhearing peoples' crazy paranoia over filling out the census form.  Lady, I am quite sure you give WAY more personal information away every day on your Facebook page than what the census is asking for.

1,766

CEO's rich, fat fuck kid running around the office without any shoes on, hanging around the conference rooms, and playing wii all over the goddamn place. Kid, you are too old to act like that. Shouldn't you be working on a coke habit already?

1,765

Stinky cat.

1,764

When you hook up an external drive after you moved a file on it and the computer drive is all "Where is file 'you disorganized muther fucka.avi'??"
Screw you computer. It's your job to find it. KNOW already damn you.

1,763

STILL NOT BEING DONE. STILL!

1,762

Where I work, people get fired. A LOT. Like I'd say more than half the people I've worked with over my time at the co. have been fired. And it's not always cause they suck. And it has nothing to do with money. I'd say I have a 60% chance of being fired on any given day. Sometimes its more, sometimes its less. But always, its there. I better go steal more cookies.

1,761

Scratch that...it's been over 3 years.

1,760

Blaming self for not being more pissed.

1,759

Dudes, we've been doing this for over 2 years and haven't even cracked 2,000. I thought we were more pissed than this.

1,758

Having "It's a Hard Knock Life" stuck in your head for weeeeeeeeks.

1,757

People just NOT GETTING IT.

1,756

Greed is ugly.

1,755

I actually got a nasty email from a superior that included the phrase "it's not rocket science." Neither is not being a bitch. Really, who says that?

1,754

Getting "joke" emails from family about how the snowstorm on the East Coast means Al Gore is a liar and everyone should burn his book for warmth.  *sigh*

1,753

Upon telling a co-worker I'm preggers and having a boy, he says this: "Awesome! With girls, you have to worry about all the penises in the world, but with boys, you only have to worry about one!"  Er...yeah.  Ahem.

1,752

"Tea Party Convention."  Urrrrrgle.

1,751

No, family member, no matter how many times you ask, I will not be doing a "belly cast."

1,750

The flood of "you shoulds" for parenting our child has begun.

1,749

A loved one getting plastic surgery and looking like they are now The Joker mixed with Lion-Faced Lady.  Sooooo sad.

1,748

I love my apartment. I don't want to go. Can't stay alone. Won't do a craigslist stranger. 5 years - best relationship I've ever been in - coming to an end. The pain. The pain.

1,747

Get a call on my cell from my roommate while I'm in California for a week on vacation. Goes a little something like this...

me: hey what's going on?
rm: have a minute to talk?
me: well i'm driving back from tahoe in a car full of people.
rm: i wanted to talk to you about this in person... i'm moving out.
me: oh.
rm: early.
me: oh.
rm: and i know i'm not on the lease but i figured i'd stay through it if you want me to.
me (internally): NO SHIT YOU'LL STAY IF I WANT YOU TO. WHAT KIND OF FRIEND WOULDN'T? YOU WERE MY FRIEND FIRST - THAT'S PRETTY MUCH STANDARD PRACTICE. AND WHAT PART OF "CAR FULL OF PEOPLE" MADE YOU THINK THIS WAS A GOOD TIME? AND GIVEN THAT OUR LEASE ISN'T UP FOR, OH, FIVE MONTHS, COULD THIS REALLY NOT HAVE FUCKING WAITED TIL I GOT FUCKING HOME IN FOUR FUCKING DAYS?
me (aloud): let's talk about this when I get home.

1,746

New kitchen: the refrigerator reeks like rotting flesh, the oven smells like burning chemicals, and the dishwasher just flooded the kitchen floor.  I can't cook or make or buy or prepare or retrieve food.

1,745

Being back at work.  Bah!

1,744

My dad STILL uses AOL and its software and thinks that is the internet.

1,743

When telling a family member on my side we are having a boy, their response: "There are too many boys already!  We need girls!" 

THANKS, LIKE I DID THIS ON PURPOSE.

1,742

When calling to tell my mother-in-law that we are having a boy, her response (in a flat, disappointed tone) : "Oh."  (very long silence)  "I always pictured you having a girl." And then almost no more discussion on it.

THANKS, LADY.  THANKS A FUCKING LOT.