1,627

Ultrasounds used as profile pictures.

1,626

Newish office acquaintance who would be awesome if he wasn't such a freakin' emotional vampire getting up in my face for attention several times a day every day and being hurt if I don't give him enough time and asking every single day what we're doing tonight or this weekend so I'm forever having to come up with "I'm busy" excuses. CALM DOWN, dude! If you didn't smother people with your neediness we'd probably want to hang out with you more!

1,625

"You should just get a new agent!"
REALLY??

1,624

Four day long migraine level headache.

1,623

A full YEAR now of not being able to audition for shows I want to do because the performance dates directly conflict with peoples' weddings (oh, and a Europe trip). Gahhh.

1,622

Person giving me way, way, WAYYYYYYY too much information about their vagina.

1,620

A bear themed town full of bear themed tchotchkes and a guy in a bear suit and bears on every goddamned thing in sight.

1,619

Country crafts.

1,618

Having to deal with other people's families, let alone my own, at holiday time.

1,617

Having a hard time giving a shit about much at all.

1,616

Casting director and agent nights full of feelings of dismay and humiliation, for the low low price of money I probably should not have spent.

1,615

Toughing it out for a year at work for that dangling carrot of a holiday bonus, which has now shrink to just the nub of a carrot.

1,614

My job is in a disintegrating industry.

1,613

Rental prices in LA.

1,612

A broken elevator in my building for 6 months!

1,611

My ankle has been sore for over 3 weeks for no good reason and I can't really afford a doctor visit at this juncture.

1,610

Budgeting.

1,609

Being more broke now than I have been in over 10 years.

1,608

Not having the time to list the things that piss me off! I have likely forgotten half of them by now. Goddamnit!

1,607

I just ate the last Le Notre truffle. Let us have a moment of silence.

1,606

People who call things "pretentious" just because they don't understand it.

1,605

My Dad's in the hospital for two days for something that was supposed to be an outpatient procedure and I'm feeling pretty powerless over here.

1,604

People suddenly acting like they have values and morals about things they actually don't give a shit about.

1,603

This Thanksgiving is shaping up to be one of the most annoying ever.

1,602

Oh, Catholic Church. Why must you insist on consistently hastening your own demise?

1,601

Do I even need to say it? The freakin' fires!!

1,600

Larry Summers.

Really?

Really?

1,599

I just realized today is only Tuesday. GAH!

1,598

Some woman in a nearby department got fired for "timecard fraud" and now everyone in our department is paranoid that they are monitoring every move we make and that they know the minute we are in and the minute we leave. Which, unfortunately, is possible. Which makes me extremely grumpy and annoyed.

1,597

Receiving 6, count 'em, 6 rude voice mail messages in 1/2 an hour's time from an extremely impatient "loved one."

1,596

The backlash from McCain supporters passing around youtube videos proving Obama is unpatriotic. Still? Really? Hey McPinheads, ever heard that it's disrespectful to the flag to wear it as clothing? No? Well even though that's the tradition I'm not questioning your love of this country so drop it.

1,595

California, what the fuck is your problem? Seriously.

1,594

Being incredibly uncomfortable, almost sick to my stomach, after finding out certain relatives had ill-considered, illogical reasons for voting McCain that make me want to hide from these people even though I love them very much. I just don't understand people sometimes.

1,593

When I can have tears in my eyes for an eloquent, educated and intelligent speaker, anyone who dares doubt my patriotism.

1,592

Political pundits' constant analysis, and my inability to stop listening to them espouse.

1,591

The words, "because of the coming recession, no pay raises will be given this year."

1,590

Naysayers. Stop saying NAY!

1,589

History changer does not equal certainty.

1,588

Not being able to fully let a good thing set in.

1,587

Can't afford to get the root canal AND the crown in the same year because insurance won't cover it all, so have to wait until January with a hole in my head to get the crown. WHAT THE FUCK.

1,586

My family is so freakin' weird about politics! They make no goddamn sense!

1,585

The fact that even with insurance I have to pay INSANE amounts of money for dental work. What's the point of having the insurance if you won't freakin' cover anything??

1,584

Going to endodontist for root canal consultation and him having no idea what my problem is and then suggesting TWO root canals! Because that way he'll make sure he got all of it!

1,583

Root mother-fuckin' canal.

1,582

That it's actually to the point that I am considering an exit strategy should McCain/Palin win. I just don't know if this country can survive another four years of reactionary hate and fear mongering.

1,581

The suspense is killing me.

1,580

2 days. I am not sure I'm going to be OK.

1,569

and my shoulder hurts. like, all the time.

1,568

I don't have a burger in my hand right now.

1,567

Santa Anas = thumbs down

1,566

2 weeks to go....oh my god. Ulcers. Stress. I promise world, we are doing everything we can.

1,565

Things that are really time consuming being boiled down to "unfussy."

1,564

Killjoys.

1,563

Seriously, fires, give us a break! Surprise us for once and don't show up!

1,562

People trying to act smart who aren't smart.

1,561

That debate gave me indigestion.

1,560

The transitory nature of things (i.e., that champagne is gone).

1,559

The not knowing how this whole economy thing is going to affect us in the months and years to come.

1,558

It. sucks. to. be. back.

1,557

UNENDING SNAGS. At this rate, this album will come out in December of 2012, and then promptly get lost in the ensuing Armageddon.

1,556

Overheard: "Anthropology? Isn't that the study of dying stars?"

1,555

Finally accepting that Americans (and possibly just humans in general) are bewilderingly stupid.

1,554

Couldn't the stock market have waited two more weeks to crash? The exchange rate was getting so good!

1,553

Freakin' hate hormones.

1,552

From the article link in 1551:

After consistently trailing in national surveys, McCain is now running even or slightly ahead of Obama, thanks in good part to his selection of Palin and the positive support she has received from Republicans and white female voters.

I can't believe this farce is working.

1,551

This makes me so sick to my stomach I can barely think straight.

1,550

WHAT THE FUH?? I just looked on my Google Calendar and it has a Holiday icon on September 11th that says "Patriot Day." That's a thing!?!?!? Read this!!

1,549

Someone writing a (probably shitty seeing as they don't even know how to spell) first novel and then getting extremely angry and depressed that within two months of its completion it's not being published. And then taking that anger out on his girlfriend and saying that he's "due" and doesn't want to have to work a job anymore.

WELCOME TO THE WORLD, buddy.

1,548

THEN the lady starts talking about how one time she was "forced" to sit in the "horrible" handicapped section which she'll never do again because (I swear to god, she said this) there was a "stump woman" who had no legs who was sitting with her boyfriend and the boyfriend pulled her "stump" onto his lap and started having sex with her right there and no one did anything about it and it was horrifying.

...I think something in me died a little.

1,547

Winning amazing box seat tickets to the Hollywood Bowl and sharing the box with two elitist rich snobs (wearing Obama buttons, mind you) who make us feel extremely uncomfortable talking about the "horrible seats for the poor people" in back and how they'd "rather die" than sit there and how they can't stand the great unwashed. It was really awkward.

1,546

The office guy who is going around with printouts of Sarah Palin from her beauty queen days and talking about how hot she is and how this makes a BIG difference in the McCain campaign. Yes, Virginia, people really ARE that stupid.

1,545

If you start singing "Hey Jude" in your head and you get to the na na nas, you can't really ever find the ending.

1,544

All-night dripping sound in some pipe in the wall making it impossible to sleep, even with earplugs in and pillows over my head.

1,543

Family member who never voted or was even registered nor cared about politics in any way no matter what encouragement any of us gave is now spamming me with political email forwards ("Why women should vote!") just because said family member's new significant other is into politics.

1,542

Spam email re: Angelina Jolie's newborn twins marry each other!

Whaaaa???

1,541

Update: just learned he left said umbrella at some chick's house, a friend of a friend. And she has since moved. Fucking great.

1,540

My friend left my big umbrella at someone's house. He's had literally months to get it back to me. It's currently pouring dayaftertomorrow-style and I'm about to get soaked. Again. I want my fucking umbrella back now! Now now now! Wah!

1,539

The city of Los Angeles is trying to shake me down for $15.00 in city business tax because I didn't apply for the Creative Artist Exception in a timely manner. Are you people out of your fucking minds?

1,538

City of Los Angeles finance web site deliberately written to confuse you into paying.

1,538

That roommate... he's now clipping his nails right next to me in the kitchen. Which is right next to the bathroom. Which has a door. Behind which people should clip their nails. Guh.

1,537

There are not one, but TWO flies in my apartment. I should be able to play it cool. They're just flies right? WRONG! They are the number one way to get my head to explode. You know that person who runs around the house with a rolled up magazine chasing a single fly and never ever catching it because, well because it's a fucking fly? Yeah, that's me.

1,536

My current roommate is sitting across from me and he keeps sniffling. But he's not sick -- I'm not a monster -- he's just sniffling. And sighing. And I wish it weren't driving me crazy, but it fucking is.

1,535

See 1,534 but add the minor complication that I got myself 85% out of that job for a multitude of reasons ranging from the stifling of professional development to crippling anger, and that I don't want to return from my "hiatus" and yet fear that if I don't return I'll be out on the streets by December. Or worse: my parents'.

1,534

See 1,518.

1,533

Co-worker not wanting to follow basic archiving procedures, not telling anyone, and now about six months of work is fucked because of it.

1,532

Casting calls that say "only serious actresses need submit." That is a meaningless statement.

1,531

Overheard: "Does this cocktail make me look gay?"

1,530

It is absolutely ridiculous that I should have to FAX my agent if I want to tell him something, since he supposedly "doesn't get email." What a crock.

1,529

Awkward department breakfast that gets even more awkward when people start trying to one-up each other with gruesome death stories.

1,528

Expecting the worst of people, and not being disappointed.

1,527

The creeping suspicion that you are, in fact, a terrible person.

1,526

Tomorrow is husband's birthday and I want it to be amazing but it's going to be super low key due to a bunch of scheduling problems and he made me PROMISE no presents so essentially nothing is going to happen and I feel really bad. :(

1,525

Just overheard:
"What do you mean relaxful isn't a word? It's a word! I use it all the time! Relaxful!"

1,524

This is supposed to be a short day where we get out at 1PM, but someone hasn't given David some files that need to go to print and we just looked and the person isn't even in their office and has had hours to do this.

1,523

People who camp out all night to buy an iPhone.

IT'S A FUCKING *PHONE*, PEOPLE!

1,522

Avarice.

1,521

There is nary a copy of Hellboy to be rented in the state of California. I'm trying to catch up here, people!

1,520

Maybe I actually need goji berry juice. Maybe we all do.

1,519

What the fuck is goji berry juice? And why are there franchise style vans sporting its benefits everywhere I look?

1,518

Feeling trapped in a work situation because of an economic environment so tenuous that one has no idea of what is around the corner.

1,517

Receiving shit-tons of added work at the 11th hour.

1,516

I think I just made up the term "sub-client".

1,515

Being reprimanded by a client for including a former president in a piece of public art, after being given his name by the sub-client as an appropriate subject of said public art.

1,514

The work-related term "compression" as a substitute for the following:
"There is no way in hell we are going to make this deadline."
"Fuckloads of stress."
"Unrealistic expectations being unmet and resulting in spirited finger-pointing."

1,513

Staying late at work every single night for two weeks and having to go in over the weekend in order to even be able to take a vacation.

1,512

Working like a dog.

1,511

Being unable to mask one's frustration.

1,510

When your night gets "chunked out."

1,509

God damn the USA

And Obama voted for it.

1,508

Seeing a movie, specifically the crapfest Wanted, with someone who is distracted and text messaging throughout the entire film.

1,507

I can't seem to outgrow the memory of mega-douche blogger calling me stupid in calc class.

1,506

mega-douche blogger has a thriving writing career while I'm stuck sitting next to mega-douche jr. at my crappy job because I can't support myself on my own writing.

1,505

mega-douche coworker makes the same amount of money I do.

1,504

Walking into the office to see that my blog-reading mega-douche co"worker" is reading the politico-blog of a semi-celebrity mega-douche I went to high school with.

1,503

Will someone please tell my aching body that I'm not that old yet?

1,502

I am so over this guy. I cannot imagine having to be related to this person and have to hang out with him on a constant basis. The years stretch out before me in this scenario and I shudder.

1,501

Blowhard comes over to our house but never wants to do anything except watch tv and every time we try to break out a board game he becomes miserable and jerky about it because we apparently are a horrible family who is ruining the fabric of America because we are "so competetive."

1,500

Blowhard then proceeds to say that he wishes every book by Jane Austen was taken out and burned. Dude, get out of my house!

1,499

Blowhard having absolutely no argument behind his argument and finally ending it with, "they're just stupid and should only be on the stage." At which point he turns on the TV to watch the Simpsons do a musical number.

1,498

"In my day we had Indiana Jones, not musical crap!" Uhhh....what?

1,497

Blowhard coming into my house and saying that the fact that kids watch musicals raises "a nation of homos."

1,496

Being consistently creamed on Scrabulous by the World's Smartest Scrabble-Playing Cousin.

1,495

Weird student film auditions where the director is really vague and takes long pauses where you're not sure if she's waiting for you to say something and the room feels bizarre and uncomfortable.

1,494

No but seriously. Seriously. Why can't I just have a wireless router that works? Is it just me? Hello (hello hello)? Is there anybody out there?

1,493

4 months and not one audition from my "agent." I think that officially counts as not having one.

1,492

Dealing with embarassment.

1,491

For the first time in my life, having to leave the stage during a show due to food poisoning. Luckily, I didn't miss anything I was supposed to do and no one in the audience noticed. But now I'm known as the girl who barfed backstage.

1,490

Being forced to sit through a talk back / Q & A session after a play whilst a couple of loudmouths want to speak incessantly about some play they did not just see, but wish they'd seen instead. I tell you what, go write it.

1,489

It's Monday and the shit storm from Friday will continue, unabated.

1,488

Cutting open my finger making design boards whilst working 4 hours later than scheduled on Friday.

1,487

Working over 4 hours later than scheduled on Friday.

1,486

Speed trap and ticket for 20 mph over the limit starting my day on Friday. If you don't want me to speed, don't make the road so curvy.

1,485

Dreaming of fire, dead birds and tsunamis over the course of one week. Ok, subconscious- I hear ya.

1,484

Go Girl Energy Drink and the people who drink it.

1,483

change.

1,482

Sweat.

1,481

Revival of eustachian tube dysfunction that I thought I was done with forever. *super grumble*

1,480

Finding an amazing apartment, watching it being renovated and checking in every day, being told that it won't be rented until it's completed, and then calling and finding out it's already been rented. I put a fair amount of emotional energy into that place! I'd already mentally arranged where everything was going to go! *grumble*

1,479

Illness sucks. In all its variations.

1,478

For the love of God, please no actor's strike. No one is sympathetic to us.

1,477

Decide to treat myself to an expensive clothing purchase for a change. A few weeks to work up the nerve. Then several attempts to buy while the shop is locked, proprietor down the block at a bar all afternoon, two days in a row. Finally get there when the store is open. Only left in small.

1,476

Summer colds.

1,475

No more Lost until January 2009. Can't handle it.

1,474

If the apartment was built after 1960, it's ugly as hell but it has air conditioning, a dishwasher, and parking. If it was built before then, it's beautiful, lots of character, has crown molding and other cool details, but no air conditioning, no dishwasher, and no parking.

1,473

You have 9 lil' green patch requests!
You have 12 lil' green patch requests!
You have 5 lil' green patch requests!
You have 8 lil' green patch requests!
You have 15 lil' green patch requests!

1,472

Ticket price to Europe went up $350 since last week. I stupidly waited. Gah.

1471

scroll wheel no work. i keep trying anyway.

1,470

Office bathrooms. Who made the design decision that ensured a direct line of sight from the entry door, through the spaces between the partitions, to the toilet in each of the two stalls?

1,469

Office politics. Do I really need to work this hard just to be able to do my work?

1,468

Doing work I shouldn't have to do... because the person who should be doing it is someone I have to suck up to... because he has the power to assign me better work and pay me for it.

1,467

That fucking ad that's always alongside my Yahoomail recently with a makeup brush repeatedly flying across a picture of a woman's face. It never stops. It can't fucking be stopped. I would give up peripheral vision to never have to see that ad again.

1,466

Though it is nice to get $600 from G-Dub, I just have to wonder where exactly that money came from...

1,465

That those hundreds of thousands of dead people don't seem to matter as much to Americans as...well, any number of tiny American news stories.

1,464

That hundreds of thousands of people's lives can be erased by natural disasters in a matter of days.

1,463

Self-Dramatizing. It's so fucking infuriating to be this integral to the functioning of the universe!

1,462

Being the bitch that threatens the mac techs with filing a complaint with the BBB if they don't either reinstall your software or refund the document recovery fee they charged you without telling you you would be unable to open your "recovered" documents.

1,461

Not having the original software to reinstall on your mac and being too poor to purchase said software.

1,460

Getting your computer back, finally, only to find every piece of software that was on it is now gone.

1,459

Finally getting your computer back from repair and realizing every bookmark you ever created is lost.

1,458

Spending multiple hours on the phone with Verizon to get them to do the things they promised to do in order to get you to switch to their long distance plan in the first place.

1,457

Searching for the perfect receptionist for months, hiring and training her, only to have her quit two weeks later after getting pregnant and deciding to move back home. Damned fertility!

1,456

Snarky headshot photographer who advertises that he will email you a rate sheet upon request. Instead, he calls you twice in a row (on a holiday morning, no less) and leaves almost the exact same message both times because he can't remember that he JUST called you. Eventually you get a hold of him and he asks you what you WANT to pay. If you tell him a lower price than his going rate, he belittles you. I suppose if you tell him a higher price, he tries to pad it even further. Screw you, dude. You aren't THAT good.

1,455

Packed perfect bag of Memorial Day BBQ leftovers to keep the patriotic picking going all week. Left bag at my parents' house because I got pissy and kinda sorta stormed out. What I wouldn't do for a cold chicken sammy today. Serves me right, I guess.

1,454

Griffith Park on fire again!!

1,453

We found the Oh My God Most Absolutely Perfect photographer for our project and we are waiting anxiously for her to get back to us and every minute is like agony.

1,452

I've been going to all these great casting director workshops, which are filled with good information from good sources, but the last four I've done, I've been given cold reading roles where I speak about three sentences and I'm paired with a guy who has these huge monologues. So I'm getting exactly 0.00 opportunity to showcase my abilities for these people. So essentially my money is being wasted. So essentially I am frustrated.

1,451

Delete your drafts, people!

1,450

Extreme stress from family issues causing giant pimplage in middle of face, just in time for wedding pictures!

1,449

Ordering a camera for a wedding and then finding out it is on back order and won't arrive in time.

1,448

Can't get any photographers to call or write us back. Don't people want to work in this town?

1,447

A photographer stringing us along for 6 weeks, quoting us a reasonable price, and then later giving us a final quote of almost $6,000. UH WHAT??

1,446

This weekend, we fell into the abyss of watching the show Lost which is is available online for free, all seasons in HD, and now we can't watch it because no internet at home. Need fix. Getting twitchy.

1,445

Getting conflicting information from AT&T and getting another call in the morning saying they're trying to get the DSL back on, being transfered to someone else who gets mad at David for calling, even though he tells her that they're the ones that have been calling him.

1,444

David being on the phone with AT&T for an hour, only to find out that the DSL can't be turned back on since we ordered the fiber optic, which by the way might possibly not be available for weeks/months.

1,443

The next day, we come home from work and our DSL is turned off. No internet access at home, and we are waiting on photographers to contact us via email.

1,442

Taking a whole day off of work to be home for an 8 HOUR INSTALLATION of new fiber-optic AT&T internet. Guys come to apartment, tinker around for an hour, then tell me, "We can't install today because there is no infrastructure yet in the neighborhood. You're the first one to order this service."

1,441

Just getting blocked in all directions no matter what we try lately.

1,440

When politicians refer to a state as "the great state of..."

Let's be honest, they're not all great.

1,439

Loved ones haphazardly messing with brain chemical-altering drugs.

1,438

The never-ending storm that is a family member's life, and how I always have to be dragged into it.

1437

That a very smart and capable woman who is running for President is doing so by courting the votes of racists and idiots.

1436

Use of the phrase "hard working Americans" as a substitute for "white people."

1,435

Myanmar's government making foreign aid extremely difficult to enter the country. In a crisis of this magnitude it seems unfathomable.

1,434

I only have so much tolerance for ignorance.

1,433

At least one out of every ten people I encounter on a daily basis, however briefly or distantly, is mind-bendingly stupid and/or in my way. Let's say I come nearly into contact with 200 people on the streets of New York, a conservative estimate on a workday. That's 20 times over the course of 10 hours or so -- or once every thirty minutes on average -- that all of the muscles in my body tighten involuntarily and I fantasize about throttling someone.

1,432

iPod commercials. even more annoying than before. is that possible?

1,432

iPod commercials. even more annoying than before. is that possible?

1,431

My acupuncturist is brutal!

1,430

There are no quick fixes.

1,429

The entire dental industry that is closed on Fridays. Which must mean they think that all dental emergencies occur Monday through Thursday and can therefore ignore the other 43% of the week.

1,428

A recurring gum infection that all anyone can do about (SEVEN specialists!) is say, "I dunno. Here's some antibiotics."

1,427

Twitter.

1,426

*NOT* getting that full night's sleep and dealing with the day with that feeling that your entire head is about 2 dimensions away from everything else.

1,425

The dire straits that necessitate taking an ambien just to get a full night's sleep.

1,424

In a meeting today I actually uttered the phrase, "I want to maximize your effort." Jeebus help me! I'm becoming one of them! I might as well have thrown in, "I want a new, more proactive paradigm."

1,423

Having to suffer fools.

1,422

I have to report for jury duty at 7:30 AM tomorrow. 7:30? Really?

1,421

The Gossip Girl OMFG ad campaign.

1,420

I know it's not really a big deal, but I'm still really grumpy about having to move cubicles. *Grumble grumble grumble*

1,419

And also mentioned numerous times how she had nothing to look forward to, now that she is 25, except for renting a car.

1,418

And when no one expressed enough interest in her, she brought in balloons for herself.

1,417

The temp in my office who talked for 3 straight days about how it was either, the day before, the day of, and the day after, her birthday.

1,416

That the most interesting and timely topic of conversation most people I work with can converse upon during lunch is whether or not Madonna's daughter should be waxing off her Frida Kahlo unibrow.

1,415

It's 7 PM and I am still at work, entering my first thing to be pissed off about in over 3 weeks because I have not had a computer in 3 weeks, because something called the "logic board" took a ginormous shit and the dumbass mac repair company who was supposed to send it back to apple two weeks ago did not send it for some apparently inexplicable reason and is only now sending it to apple today, so it will actually be at least another week before I can really let you all know the many, many things that have been pissing me off all of this goddamned time, but boy, when I do, I'm tellin' ya- it's gonna be a real shit storm!

1,414

I just found out through hearsay that I am being moved away from my awesome cubicle next to my husband. Better yet, it's happening immediately, people have known about it for a while, and no one told me, the lowly temp. All because this girl thinks my cubicle is slightly bigger than hers (they look the same to me) and wants it. I am so depressed.

1,413

First day wearing a nice new shirt and in 4 hours I've already stained it.

1,412

People who exclaim proudly that they're not registered to vote.

1,411

We are in the most bizarre, frustrating holding pattern with our album release. Really weird!

1,410

God bless this mess

1,409

Dad very sick, refusing to take proper meds to get better.

1,408

Constantly expecting normal behavior and constantly being proven wrong but continuing to hope despite no evidence to the contrary.

1,407

Just never feeling like it's enough, or that you've said the right thing, or not said the right thing, or believe the right thing, or do the right thing, with family.

1,406

My family aggressively and knowingly refuses to recycle ANYTHING.

1,405

Having to be the mom.

1,404

I am about to hand a cherished family heirloom over to someone who has no sense of its meaning and worth and could very well lose it.

1,403

Albuquerque, just in general, and all the ways it can mess with your mind.

1,402

Reckless people making reckless decisions that will have consequences on everyone else around them.

1,400

Getting what I think might be my first real full-on migraine. But not really knowing for sure. But feeling crappy, regardless.

1,401

A fear I've only felt twice in my life before...but both of those times said fear proved to be fruitless.

1,399

How COULD you, Hollywood? Seriously, how could you?

1,398

Steampunk.

1,397

I'm not sure how to even relate this story. At a meal, I was sitting at a table with two extras who said they were "directors." This one ding-a-ling was talking about this "brilliant" pilot he'd written, that required demons and humans battling and something about a very angry mayor. He kept talking about how great a director he is and how it's bound to make lots of money and how Sci-Fi network is sure to love it.

I said to him, "do you do extra work often?" (because mainly I was just amazed that people can tolerate doing this kind of thing for a living). To which he replied, "well, I have done EVERYTHING ELSE in this business, so I'm doing this so I can learn how to be an ACTOR'S director. You know how people say that Ron Howard is an ACTOR'S director? That's what I want to be. So I figure I've got to get in with the people and learn how they think. Because ACTORS tend to say the lines in ways that I don't agree with and I want to find ways to tell them to say it my way."

Uh huh. OR, you are one day away from the soup kitchen and need the $80/day so you can pay your rent at the YMCA.

1,396

It is only at the 19th hour that the dingey girl I've had to sit with says, "I brought a deck of cards!"

WHY DIDN'T YOU BREAK THAT SHIT OUT 19 HOURS AGO??

1,395

I'm in line for our catered meal and an extra behind me, a middle-aged dude, says to me:

"Well, now I can cross that off my list."

"Huh?" says I.

"Sort of had dinner with David Spade. Check."

I look over and see Spade leaving.

"That was on your list?!?!?" I ask incredulously.

"Ha. Well, you got me there. I just hope he doesn't recognize me!"

"Huh?" again.

"I lead tour groups past his house and sometimes he doesn't appreciate that. Which I understand, privacy and all, but...he's a celebrity!"

"That's creepy." I say, and turn around.

1,394

Skinny, stick figure actor girls who, after grabbing a huge plate of chicken wings from the craft service table say, "I NEVER eat wings in public!"

"You eat them in private?"

"Well...I never eat them in front of people."

"Why?"

"Too messy! I get stuff on my face! I don't want anyone to see me with stuff on my face!"

...and then she proceeds to chow down. *uggggh* I hate girly girls.

1,393

Girls who talk in high-pitched baby doll voices.

1,392

Waiting and doing nothing for 20 hours for ten minutes of shooting and 30 seconds of background screen time is not ever worth it ever.

1,391

Actors who think they have "made it" because they are extras on a sitcom with David Spade.

1,390

Actors, the bottom-feeder scummy kind, are intolerable to hang out with for more than a couple minutes.

1,389

That it doesn't matter that I got all my work (and some of my douchebag co"worker"'s) done on time. I have to sit here and wait for everyone else to get their shit together.

1,388

A two person show winning award meant for an ensemble. UTTER. BULLSHIT.

1,387

"That's SO meta."

1,386

"It's not gonna suck itself"

1,385

"Single and ready to mingle!" (both the t-shirt and the framed poster of the t-shirt)

(Nods to the Q'otic M.H. )

1,384

Just really not being able to relate to 99% of what seems to interest other people.

1,383

When the cadence of a co-worker's voice sounds like someone chewing glass. Everytime. They. Shrilly. Fucking. Speak.

1,382

When your entire department of 20 people goes out to lunch together and invites everyone but the new guy who started 3 days ago, the 5 temps, and you.

1,381

This current episode of This American Life.

1,380

There's a girl in the office here who drags her feet when she walks and it sounds exactly like nails scratching a chalkboard. It makes my hair stand on end and, really, there's nothing I can do about it.

1,379

That the computer/internet has such power over me that I just found myself alone in my apartment hollering "Oh come on!" at my laptop. It's infuriating. And it's infuriating that it's infuriating.

1,378

Fucking wireless router. Seriously, is it completely impossible for me to find a simple fucking wireless router that fucking connects to the fucking internet? Everyone else's wireless routers are working perfectly fine. I can tell because I can see them all with their snooty little pad-lock symbols on my computer screen. What am I doing wrong? What could I possibly be doing wrong? ggggaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh.

1,377

Always being the worst dressed person in the office.

1,376

$299 a night for a hotel room that has not even been properly cleaned.

1,375

The luxurious private waiting rooms, giant seats and good wines offered to rich airline travelers while the plebians lay in piles on the floor, sit in cramped quarters and have to drink cheap Gallo.

1,374

Bloated corporate headquarters that charge their captive workforce to eat at their cafeteria, the only available food for miles around.

1,373

The lack of aesthetically pleasing and affordable hybrid models.

1,372

Electric cars being successfully produced, and then completely confiscated for working too well. Fucking oil...

1,371

Polar bears drowning as their habitats melt away.

1,370

Airline passengers not having a bill of rights.

1,369

The weird dude in the creepy red van who pulled up next to me at 11:30 p.m. while I was walking my dog and started a "friendly" conversation.

Uh...man? I don't care if you were "just being friendly."

Here's a tip: Nice, friendly men don't pull up a creepy red van and start conversations with young ladies walking their dogs in the middle of the night.

Especially conversations that end with "Hey! You wanna see MY big DOGGIE?"

1,368

Having to deal with the creepy feeling of someone else's pee on the back of my right thigh for an entire day because some lady peed on a toilet seat and it seeped through the toilet seat cover and I just can't stop thing about it or feeling the phantom pee on the back of my thigh and even though it's been 5 hours my thigh still feels sort of cold and terrible and I live too far away to go home and take a shower.

1,367

The lady in my work building who keeps peeing on the toilet seat.

That's right. "Lady."

Look lady, I don't know how you are managing to do that, but I assure you I am not impressed.

And I want you to stop.

1,366

The douche who sits next to me at my shitty job.

1,365

Because it didn't occur to me to eat before I left for work (at about 11:30) I will now have to spend $10 at Cosi or some fascist "custom salad" joint to hold me til dinner. Good thing that's about how much money I've made so far this week.

1,364

How do pens just disappear like that? You know what I mean.
Poof.

1,363

Number 1,357. Right on. Fuckin A.

1,362

Bastard people who come out of nowhere and outbid me IN THE LAST FIVE SECONDS on ebay for something that I really needed for the album photo shoot. Goddammit!!

1,361

Going into a small liquor store to buy Triple Sec. When I ask the nice man who barely speaks English for "Triple Sec" he looks at me blankly then yells out, "Hey Manuel! Do we have Triple Sex? This girl here wants Triple Sex. Triple Sex!" Then he looks at me and says, "So...what's that for?"

1,360

Having to get up at 5:30 AM to catch a flight to D.C. and then read approximately 450 pages of hospitality industry technical jargon during said flight en route to a lengthy and ominous sounding "design immersion" meeting. Ack, corporate world- get thee behind me, Satan!

1,359

CBS cancelled Jericho, a show that I was obliged to watch because a friend created it, and now I'm all hooked into it and it's going to die...AGAIN. Humph.

1,358

I had to miss a final on Wednesday. Why? The plague - fever, sinus infection, cough, headache, the works. The professor demanded a doctor's note - which pisses me off, because if I were well enough to take the bus to school to go to Student Health, I would have been able to, I don't know, take the bus to the final? Moron. How do these people get Ph.D.s?

1,357

Tick-tock. Do Do Do-do. Time keeps on slippin, slippin, slippin...Into the future.

Both the lyric and the notion.

1,356

The photographs of people with psychotic wide smiles, and robot-perfect, white teeth, stationed around your dentist's office.

1,355

The shivery feeling you get when a dentist is cleaning your teeth and vibrates one of those nerve-endings.

1,354

Emails like this are why I hate Facebook:

Here is what your friends think about...
... your strengths:
most studious
most absentee

... your weaknesses:
person with the best taste in music
coolest

HEY THANKS, "FRIENDS!" FUCK YOU, TOO!!

1,353

All the important things I forget on a daily basis and I remember that it's my college boyfriend's birthday today. (And his phone number.) I couldn't be using all this brain matter for something remotely applicable to my life?

1,352

flaks.

1,351

I need a haircut.

1,350

Being so goddamn sensitive.

1,349

The fact that it's impossible in this life NOT to somehow hurt people you love.

1,348

Well then, I guess most of all, me hurting those I love.

1,347

Those I love hurting others of those that I love.

1,346

For that matter, people at non-pancake establishments who hurt those I love.

1,345

People at pancake establishments who hurt those I love.

1,344

I don't trust myself around food, either.

1,343

Just being socially stupid and awkward and saying stupid things and feeling like a jerk and this is why I fear being around humans. It's me I don't trust.

1,342

Being invited to dinner by someone who never cooks for me and then getting a call asking, "so what are you bringing?"

1341

Having to "manage" Steve-O.

1340

Steve-O.

1339

People just generally sucking.

1,338

"Maybe tomorrow."

I think I just lost my mind.

1,337

The weakness of the dollar against the Pound and Euro. You suck, America!

1,336

I am outraged on behalf of my friend.

1335

Not to mention the vet bills, computer repair, and moving expenses that had to be put on credit cards over the past 6 weeks. Ramen, anyone?

1334

The fact that the only reason I did not owe MORE taxes was because I "saved" $500 by itemizing the $2,500 I spent out of pocket (after modest box office receipts) on a Fringe show last year. So, really, when you think about it, I'm actually out $4K for last year. At least the Philly show was fun!

1333

Owing the government 2K in taxes on spousal support due to not being able to pay the last quarterly estimated payment once my asshole ex-husband suddenly decided to stop paying said support, leaving me no way to pay ANY of the godammned taxes.

1,332

Wow, a whole week and no one is even slightly miffed? About anything?

1,331

Two and a half years of nonstop back/neck/headache pain, and I only JUST TODAY finally went to a doctor who can actually help me.

1,330

When expectations aren't communicated, and then you're chastised for not living up to them.

1,329

Having said person be a well-intentioned family member so you can't really be cranky with them but neither are they the kind that takes criticism too well so you can't really point out this annoyance even in a sarcastic or teasing sort of way.

1,328

People who say a "trendy" cliche, such as "been there, done that," at least once every five sentences.

1,327

Promptly followed by your daughter getting bit by a dog with no clear vet and/or vaccine records.

1,326

Starting off a weekend with someone backing into your PARKED car.

1,325

Alarm accidentally being set to 6 AM instead of 8 AM.

1,324

Unintentionally hurting someone's feelings.

1,323

Being ALMOST good enough for things.

1,322

knowing that the things i write at 2am i will never publish, and couldn't even if i wanted to because they're crap, and sure its better than when i wasn't writing anything at all, but really, can't i just try to focus on things that might get me somewhere so i can get off this fucking treadmill i call a life?

1,321

We did posts 1283 through 1286 - twice. Also I just found out that in addition to that cocksucking theatre ruining EVERYTHING, for example my trip down for the birthday celebration . . . they also conveniently forgot to pay me.

1,320

Overhearing your next-door neighbors, who own horrible ghetto dogs that have barked non-stop for the last year and kept you from ever actually sleeping through the night, complaining about the dogs next door to THEM, for barking.

1,319

$250 worth of parking-related goodness. And by "goodness," I mean "badness."

1,318

My new agent calling me to tell me that my (VERY VERY OLD) headshot that he found on a casting site:Looks like Yvonne De Carlo:
...whom they used to represent.

Yeah...I think I'll go update that. *red face*

1,317

Best of both worlds: I'm basically unemployed and also have a job that I hate. Awesome.

1,316

I can get a wireless signal from the coffee shop around the corner, but not from the beeping, flashing, money-sucking boxes in my living room. F U, Time Warner. F U, D-Link.

1,315

Once again: Where the hell is my New York Times?

1,314

Discovering the corporate world behaves just as badly and inconsiderately as the poors.

1,313

Being good hearted and giving up my aisle seat and taking the middle for an unhappy, uncomfortable looking tall man, who then rewards me by loudly drinking his coffee, "Sssssllluuuuurrrrrrrrp! Aaaah!" for 25 loooooong minutes.

1,312

And stupidly wear their company logo. Now I hate Yahoo even more.

1,311

And talk animatedly while waving their arms in the air.

1,310

And sit across the aisle from you.

1,309

People who get on airplanes with overwhelming body odor.

1,308

The unspoken expectation of your playing tour guide to a recent transplant to your city that you barely know.

1,307

You know what? I just plain hate talking on the phone for more than 10 minutes.

1,306

Said the Ralph's Checker lady to me as I buy wine:
"Wooooo! You look young! Let me see your ID."

And upon seeing it:
"Wooooo! You ain't young!"

1,305

Being too busy to be pissed.

1,304

Fucking stupid greedy-ass movie studios.

1,303

Fatigue.

1,302

Having to do monologues. I hate monologues. With a burning, seething passion.

1,301

Everything with computers takes longer than you think. Curses!!

1,300

Only got half done of what needed to be accomplished recording-wise this weekend.

1,299

Why can't nature be beautiful without being so creepy?

1,298

The pyrrhic victory of knowing Spring is on it's way by seeing a spider crawl across my bedspread.

1,297

The necessary evil of the security deposit.

1,296

Valentine's Day. 'nuff said.

1295

Dreaming my beautiful cat came back from the dead as a really frightening zombie cat and I had to kill her over and over but she wouldn't stay dead and I woke up crying. Happy Monday.

1294

Said 3 hour meeting getting us no closer to renovating this hotel than any of the previous 3 hour meetings we have had over the course of the past 6 or 7 months. Make up your minds, fat heads. This is not brain surgery. Do you want all new tile AND carpets or just new carpets? Really, that's all you guys have to agree on. We get paid either way, so actually- keep arguing amongst yourselves. Go ahead, go nuts.

1293

A 3 hour meeting in Westlake Village plus 2 hours of drive time and no lunch served as previously promised. If I knew you were going to keep me from basic sustainance for 5 hours in the middle of the day, I would have had more for breakfast.

1292

People sending multiple urgent emails to me instead of calling me on the fucking phone. If it's that big of a deal, pick up the damned phone and dial the 10 or 11 digits. It's actually less keystrokes than an email, you lazy ass purchasing agents.

1291

The Cisco Pix Box taking a shit again and being without the Internets all day.

1290

Being too tired to unpack the goddamned boxes.

1289

Shaking arm muscles and feeling your heart beating in your stomach. And I'm not actually talking about sex, I'm talking about 12 boxes and 4 flights of stairs.

1288

6 new neighbors commenting on how much it must suck to move in the night the elevator is broken, yet not offering to carry a single box for even one flight of stairs.

1287

4 flights of stairs plus 12 boxes makes T Mac an angry girl.

1286

Broken elevator in my building the night I decide to move 12 large boxes solo.

1,285

How many cases of botulism does it take for my Dad to stop eating rotten food from his refrigerator? Answer: apparently one million.

1,284

Being woefully underprepared.

1,283

Damn you, Comic-Con hotel reservation system. Damn you.

1286

Does my vote even count? What's up with this calling it at 22% of precincts reporting? Fuck you, Media.

1285

That if somebody is a member of the Kennedy family then whatever they do or say is for some reason news. Okay, fine if it's Ted who is you know, a long serving Senator but who the hell cares what Maria Shriver or Caroline Kennedy thinks about, well, anything?

1284

My beautiful kitty died today.

1283

Having to make a life or death decision.

1,282

People who think it's cold in LA.

1,281

Whoever planned the suicide attack on the pet market using mentally disabled women are officially the worst human beings on the entire planet.

1280

How come it's so cold in LA right now?

1279

Valentine's Day cards with prefabricated poetry. It's the one day a year we should at least be able to squeeze out an original haiku for our lover, right? They should all be blank cards, and made of velvet and lace and ribbons and feathers. And hand made, while I'm at it.

1278

When people hurt my friends.

1277

Expired canned goods. I had no idea I had been carting around cans of inedible crapitude for one or even two previous moving cycles.

1276

My cat is suspicious of the box situation and is clearly displeased with me.

1275

Paying some jokers to manage the office server and it crashing once a year when it gets too full. So what does their "maintenance and dignostic fee" actually go towards every month? Can't they maybe see the memory is almost full and provide a solution before the whole thing crashes?

1274

Having to remove 6 door hinges and work a tire iron to remove said locked doors and flip the godammned breaker.

1273

Having the power go out at work and finding the doors to the breaker box mysteriously locked.

1272

Having your system flushed out, painfully and audibly, by kale, for a good twenty minutes during a dinner party.

1271

Being served kale for the first time in your life at an intimate dinner gathering and then being told "...some people use it to flush their systems out. You know, as a cleanser."

1270

That the media is so in love with John McCain despite his checkered past and bad ideas.

1,269

Not knowing if you're doing something positive or negative for your body.

1,268

Absolutely EVERYTHING you do to your body, positive or negative, has a consequence.

1,267

Just overheard in the office: "I like to keep them separated. I'll go with my wife to a ballet, and I'll go with my wife to a play, but I won't go to a musical." #*%&($#*&%(@&#!

1,266

Popcorn in your cleavage.

1,265

The "Loft" trend.

1,264

That most property owners in Los Angeles seem to think a stainless steel appliance justifies a $400 - $500/month rental hike.

1,263

Getting an email forward from a family member about making sure not to elect a Pro-Choice president and endorsing Huckabee, Romney, and McCain. Guhghghghhg.

1,262

Keeping the faith. Fuck this shit.

1261

Looming pauperdom.

1260

Having to wonder how much deposit I'll get back, as multiple things have crumbled in this place. Not my fault the landlo' used unsealed plastic pipes under the sink, installed floor base so cheap it is seperating from the walls of its own accord, and used bargain basement window whose locks fall off if you look at them funny.

1259

Invisible, yet very wet puddles.

1258

Cleaning upholstery. Can't it be made a bit easier than a backbreaking hose attachment that covers 3" of material at a shot. Can't that Dyson guy do something about this?

1257

Being unable to make plans to see friends.

1256

Scratched DVD's.

1255

My orchid died.

1254

Cheap tape guns. I'm gonna throw it through a window.

1253

A wet cardboard box. What can be more sad than that?

1252

Contracting a cold from said watery moving experience.

1251

Moving a washer and dryer in a rainstorm because of someone's obstinacy, other than your own.

1250

The wheezing that engulfs me everytime I move. Why can't I dust more regularly?

1,247

That I think this is 1,249.

1,246

Still identifying completely with the people in those sinus pressure commercials.

1,245

The archetypical Los Angeles Landlord.

1,244

The fact that every, single thing in your line of sight at all times is the likely result of an unnecessary meeting.
And that someone was very bored during it.

1,243

Arrogant Marlboro Man co-worker, upon learning Heath Ledger was dead, laughing and exclaiming in oh-so-hilarious fashion, "get your Joker products now!"

1,242

Identifying completely with the people in those sinus pressure commercials.

1,241

Dad having heart attack.

1,240

Future of job uncertain...again.

1,239

Never should have watched all those conspiracy movies. Am now paranoid again.

1,238

As soon as I start working again after break, my back is already on the road to total pain domination.

1,237

Letting it get to me.

1,236

Being constantly horrified by one's own face.

1,235

I am my own biggest impediment.

1,234

12:34.

1,233

The "Straight-Talk Express."

1,232

Especially when those movie characters are animals.

1,231

Movie posters featuring characters who look directly at you, smugly, over the rims of their sunglasses.

1,230

Feeling reduced.

1,229

Greed + Stupidity = Train Wreck

1,228

Stop it. Just stop whatever is making you act like an asshole. Just stop it.

1,227

"Yeah, we can't look at it today. Bring it in first thing in the morning."

1,226

That there are upwards of 90 Ultimate Fighting Championship compilation DVDs floating around and apparently many people wanting to view them.

1,225

As well as those interested in "Bare-Knuckle Brawls" the DVD. (Vs. IV)

1,224

Trying to relate to people talking about the all new American Gladiator.

1,223

Missing everyone so much and wishing I could go right back, in spite of all the bs.

1,222

Not being able to spend enough time with the people I love hanging out with most.

1,221

The absolute inevitable Albuquerque Head Cold that happens every time I visit.

1,220

Kids with way too much sugar and not enough sleep, discipline, or boundaries.

1,219

Teaching people how to do something on their computer ten times, even WRITING IT DOWN, and the second we're gone...*poof*

1,218

Spending a good 40% of the trip fixing everyones' computers. Hours and hours and hours.

1,217

Complaining about people who love you so much they'd do almost anything for you.

1,216

Older people are obsessed with minuscule changes in the weather.

1,215

Cheerfully sitting through a 25-minute monologue about orthopedic foot inserts and heel spurs.

1,214

Having to sit through a militant Christian freaking out that the game Taboo had a card in it in which the clue was "P0rn0graphy."

1,213

Having to deal with a 12-year-old in army fatigues telling my vegetarian, animal-loving friend in gory detail about all the bucks he's shot in the head.

1,212

Never knowing what you're going to say that might step on someone's religious toes.

1,211

Christian school teaching my niece and nephews TONS about the bible and practically NOTHING about anything else practical.

1,210

The kids' school marking His Dark Materials books off of their Scholastic book lists so they can't buy them.

1,209

The kids not being allowed to see The Golden Compass because their school had a special assembly about it that it's from The Devil.

1,208

You did WHAT with $8,000 and a biscotti company?

1,207

I swear to god: real, honest-to-christ human remains in my dad's office.

1,206

This person hates that person, and this person can't stand to be around that person, because of wrongs from 30 years ago.

1,205

What can only be described as Albuquerque Lethargy, or the sapping of your essential life force that takes place at a slow and insidious rate.

1,204

Moriarity. End of story.

1,203

"They only recycle black and white newspapers. You can't recycle anything else here."

1,202

No one in the entire freakin' city of Albuquerque seems to know how to recycle, nor do they care. EVERYTHING goes into the trash.

1,201

No usable washcloths in my dad's house.

1,200

Albuquerque...seriously, what's up with that? My face hates you.

1,199

My god, my god, why hath thou forsaken my freakin' face?

1,198

Massive, worst pizza face of my entire life, ever.

1,197

Make that three days.

1,196

Having "Come On Eileen" stuck in my head

...

for two days.

1,195

The last sentence says it all.

1,194

The Return of the Ghost of the Son of the "Phantom Creepies."