666

How come no one ever publicizes seeing the image of Satan, our great Dark Lord and Master, on a tortilla or in the knot of a tree? Now, that's what I'd call a miracle.

665

Ants eating my cat's food. Screw you, ants!

664

Having to forward your landlord's mail to him each month. I swear, I am going to start deducting postage from my rent.

663

Having to pay extimated quarterly taxes on spousal support. Why are you taxing the poorer spouse, motherfuckers?

662

Having to go downtown to apy for a traffic violation and almost incurring another traffic violation in the Metro Court parking garage.

661

Creepy guy that I work with. Just. Everything.

660

A labor of hate.

659

Having to come into work early because of your coworker's disorganization and lack of communication.

658

Getting three major pimples right before shooting a film. Right on, body!

657

Waking up with the dizzy feeling I had three years ago that started my horrible horrible mystery illness. You'd better not, body. You'd just better not.

656

Creepy guy that I work with stopping me whilst I'm walking. There's a reason I avoid eye contact with you, creepy guy that I work with.

655

Getting punked by some bored Indiana hick.

654

Over-sleeping on the absolute worst possible morning to be late, because some bored Indiana hick decided to change the alarm clock in your hotel room to "PM" instead of "AM."

653

Being stared at like you are an alien in the Midwest. Homely-ass mother fuckers.

652

Being the crappiest, most untalented Solieri to someone else's Mozart.

651

Having to get up at 6 am to pay $800 to fix your car.

650

Being fucked by credit card debt.

649

The same week your $1,200 hospital bill for mystery illness arrives.

648

And a $200 Transmission/Power Steering service job.

647

And a $500 Cooling System service job.

646

Like an $800 Timing Belt service job.

645

9 year old car with 100,000 miles need stuff.

644

When your company adds new VP positions, whilst threatening layoffs to the underlings, then expects you to gratefully grovel for a minuscule percentage pay increase.

643

Who am I kidding, I shouldn't want that thing in my house. But I DO. But I shouldn't.

642

The Wii has been out for seven months and I STILL can't find one ANYWHERE. STOP BUYING THEM, you evil re-selling vultures!

641

McSweeney's list selectors. What? Not whimsical enough for you?

640

Obnoxious marketing people who send you email after email, and when they are face to face with you in a meeting don't know who you are, even though you have been introduced to them on numerous occasions.

639

Finally getting a call from an agent interested in representing me, then looking him up and finding out he sucks.

638

Going to a casting director workshop where they sit there for an hour telling you how you have to be a trained, consumate, serious, professional actor and then admitting that they cast based on looks.

637

Wealthy politicians, on all sides, running early popularity contests, quitting, running, stopping, starting, name-calling, back-pounding, hand-shaking, switching sides, feigned indignant outrage at various issues and the ways they have been previously handled by opposing politicians, and most of the general population's lethargy and indifference to instituting any real change.

636

Dogs. Unattended, monstrous, non-stop barking 'hood dogs.

635

See 634 re: feminine sanitary devices, jock itch powder, adult diapers, laxatives, etc.

634

Commercials for hemmorhoid travel wipes. If you need those, you don't need reminding.

633

Cutting your hand open while destroying your framed wedding document, after having cut the other hand on the foil on a bottle of wine.

632

Cutting your hand open on the foil on a bottle of wine.

631

Divorce paperwork delays. Hurry it up, court.

630

The shyster who tried to sell me toner by acting like I knew his company, and saying that "Amy from Corporate Headquarters" had told him they were behind on my toner order and he better "not leave me hanging". Then he hangs up after asking, "Oh really?," when I told him I had never heard of his company. Fuck you, toner shyster.

629

Ghetto chopper buzzing incessantly around a 2 block radius, blocked off by squad cars, 1 block from your house.

628

627

I think I am learning that I do not play well with others in an office environment. Give me a dumbass job to do and leave me in peace, but don't make me do it with some other numbskull.

626

My. Co. Worker. Is. Driving. Me. Crazy.

625

Attention to detail

624

Waking up crying from a sad dream. It colors the entire day.

623

It's probably been said before... but PEOPLE DRIVING SLOW IN THE PASSING LANE!! Come on! Get the fuck out of the way already.

622

When you have to literally tell someone "I need you to stop talking so I can work," and when that fails to get the message across, having to put earphones in to further demonstrate the point. I'm looking at you, Creepy Guy That I Work With.

621

The out of control, entirely out-of-proportion-to-the-work-they-do, salaries of the project managers. It seems supremely unfair that John Q. Engineer that actually sits around and codes the goddamn product would make two and a half times LESS than the project manager that schedules meetings and takes two hour lunches.

620

Anna Nicole Smith, The Movie.

619

Deleting all of my work for a project, without any way of getting it back, and no one to blame but myself. I. Am. An. Idiot.

618

Health Insurance Rep at Open Enrollment Health Insurance Meeting who says they are here to answer any and all questions, and when posed a question, tells you "Oooh. You better call the customer service telephone number."

617

Open Enrollment Health Insurance Meetings where HR reps attempt to con you into thinking that you should consider the privilege of having any sort of health insurance at all a part of your overall compensation package.

616

Open Enrollment Health Insurance Meetings where HR reps explain to you that yes, rates are going up, and yes, they are switching to a more expensive plan regardless, and yes, you should be happy about this.

615

Open Enrollment Health Insurance Meetings.

614

"So...you're from New Mexico huh? You must like horses. Do you like horses? Do you ride horses?" said Creepy Guy That I Work With, while staring at my tits.

613

When doing something as awesome and glorious as staying up drinking scotch till the sun rises with one of your loveliest girlie friends costs you the rest of the day.

612

How some co-workers express themselves vastly differently in emails than in person.

611

I just used the term, "OMG." O.M.G.

610

It's already June 11! OMG. Time is going too fast.

609

I'm a selfish, horrible person for complaining about having opportunities to get cast in stuff.

608

I seem to only have a shot getting cast in something if it's a musical or if my character has to sing. Do I have NO seperate acting talent?

607

If I have to wait another five years in this city to get booked with that club again, I will shoot myself.

606

After FIVE YEARS of trying to get this particular club to book my band, they finally finally contacted us to book last minute and obviously we had to turn it down because we're not prepared.

605

I'm embarassed for failing in front of people who are my friends.

604

The new director that was brought in to cast the play didn't even give me the time of day and hated everything I did.

603

I didn't get cast in the play that I was perfect for, even though I was cast in the reading.

602

My current job is HELL and consists of doing inventory in dusty store rooms with no internet access or even a desk of my own.

601

Paris Hilton, being released from jail after serving 3 days of a 3 week sentence for a mental rash.

600

600?? That's it?

599

Trying to draft a positive message to a High School Graduate.

598

Waiting out the day so you can do what you really want to.

597

That evolution is being discussed as an issue during a national Republican debate in the year 2007.

596

Paris Hilton. Abso-fucking-loot-ly everything about her. Period.

595

That someone (Paris Hilton) makes comments like this, on the way to jail:

“In the future, I plan on taking more of an active role in the decisions I make.”

594

Working long, hard hours all weekend on what you love, only to have to return to the day to day bull crap of your job.

593

When you borrow a friend's car and return it 5 hours later than you said you would, with a broken power window control to boot. I suck.

592

Your absolute favorite person at work is leaving and she drops by for one last visit but when she stops at your office to say hello, you're on the cross-trainer in the gym.